just the tip of the ice berg
by Fireshine
Summary: Bella is stuck in an abusive relationship, she needs a knight in shining armour... will a vampire in a shiny Volvo suffice?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – perfection... going wrong before my very eyes**

My life had been pretty close to perfect, the only thing I had wished was that my boyfriend went to school with me rather than in la push where he lived. But I guess we kinda made up for it by going to each other's houses nearly everyday.

I remembered when he first asked me out, I knew our dads had been trying to set us up for ages, but I couldn't believe that Jake would actually _want_ to go out with me! But then he asked me, I couldn't wait to tell Angela and Jessica that I was going out with someone in the year above!

Today was Friday, Fridays were always the longest day for me. It was because I had a whole weekend of Jacob to look forward to. I smiled happily to myself as I thought about Mike, maybe me and Jacob could go to the cinema with mike and Jessica like he asked, if that didn't clash with any of Jake's plans. Jake sometimes made plans to surprise me for the weekend, so I never knew what I was going to be doing until I got home on Friday.

Jake was waiting for me when I got home. I told him about Mike's invite but he told me he had plans, I asked what they were but he told me I would find out tomorrow. That weekend I wondered why he bothered making plans, I would much rather have been in the cinema watching a film than out on Billy's boat, fishing. I got cold and wet and Jacob got man-flu and didn't feel like going to the cinema when Mike tried to reschedule for Sunday.

Two weeks later Mike invited me and Jacob to the cinema again. Jacob said he didn't want to see any of the films that were on. Was that why he didn't want to go before why didn't he say so?

"If that was why you didn't want to go last week you should have said. Then we could have arranged to do something else, instead of fishing," lets face it that trip was a disaster.

"You like Mike don't you?" he asked accusingly.

"Is that a crime?" I retorted sarcastically, I wasn't in the best mood from realising that the fishing trip last week was unnecessary.

"You're _my_ girlfriend!" he shouted.

I rolled my eyes, "Really? I didn't notice!"

That was when he first hit me.

He looked outraged and just slapped me. As soon as he realised what he had done he became really apologetic, and I could see the slight horror and guilt in his eyes.

"Oh my god Bella! Are you Okay? I didn't mean to I swear! I'm so sorry!"

I rubbed my cheek and concluded that there was no damage, only a slight sting on my cheek and forgave him. That's what you do for the people you love isn't it? Forgive them?

He hugged me and stroked my hair, rocking backwards and forwards as if he were comforting me, but I knew he was really comforting himself. I hugged him back and tried to erase his guilt. After a few minutes of this I changed the subject.

"So, you got any plans for my birthday next week?"

"Hmm... sixteen, that's a pretty big number Bella, you sure you're ready for that?"

"I think I can handle my age Jacob," I replied dryly.

"I'll help you through it, having gone through the same thing myself, I'll be your expert on any age related issues you may have."

"Jake you're only four months older than me," I pointed out.

"It's still enough to put me in the year above you in school," damn our birthdays!

I gave up with a roll of my eyes and leaned back on his shoulder. At first it worried me that he was in the year above, I thought he would quickly change his mind and go for someone in his year that he could share all his _age related_ problems with. But Jacob said he didn't mind, he said that he enjoyed being able to give me advice from the experience. He sounded sincere when he said it... but I was still terrified of losing him.

That's when I decided never to bring up Mike again. But I couldn't uninvite him from my party. _Sigh._

I was dreading the next weekend, the weekend of my party, I just had no clue what to expect. It was only a small gathering of friends in my garden – the living room was too small – and Jacob wanted to invite some of his friends.

His friends all arrived together, they were all similar, similar to Jacob, big, muscular ans intimidating enough on their own, but in a group... they were terrifying. Jacob immediately jogged over grinning and shouting to his friends. He fit in with them perfectly.

In the party there was a kind of tension that hadn't existed between my friends and Jake. They hadn't met each other much, but everyone was nervous around them. _I _was feeling nervous around them.

I needed a break from the tension, so I went to get myself some food, I was piling the onions onto my hotdog when Mike came up to me. _Crap,_ Jacob wouldn't like this one bit.

"So..." he started, "missed you at the cinema the other week."

"Yeah, Jacob didn't fancy going," I replied lamely, I felt like I was being judged for some reason.

Just then Jacob came over, we put his arm round my waist and squeezed me into his side, he kept his arm there as he turned to Mike, "Oh, hey..." he trailed off.

"Mike," I supplied.

"Oh yeah, Mike."

I could feel Jacob glaring at Mike, and Mike showing almost no backbone, but still brave enough to keep standing there. I could feel Jacob towing me away towards his friends, as we walked Jacob's hand slid down from my waist and rested on my bum. I felt uncomfortable, we had never done anything this intimate before, it had just been holding hands and innocent stuff like that. We only ever pecked each other on the lips or cheek, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I spent the rest of the party with either Jacob or one or two of his friends, it felt oddly like I was being supervised. But I couldn't complain, there was no one to complain _to,_ my body guards scared everyone off.

I found myself looking at the clock more and more often, each time it seemed like the clock had stopped, I couldn't wait for this party to be over. Maybe if Jacob hadn't brought his friends it would've been more enjoyable, but I couldn't day anything, what if he took their side? Bros before hos?

Finally everyone left, me and Jacob were sat on my sofa and I was wondering why he invited his friends, obviously because he enjoyed their company, but I felt there was more to it than that...

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "are you... you're not _jealous_ over Mike are you?" I asked tentatively.

"No, I just don't think he's good company for you, Bella."

"Oh, ok then," I said not really satisfied with his answer, Jacob noticed.

"Would you rather hang out with Mike? Do you want to break us up? Do you want to be left alone, forever? You know, dressed like that, and with no make-up on, no-one will go out with you, maybe you should start wearing something a little more flattering, maybe go on a little diet, get a makeover... but I'm the only boyfriend you got, I'm the only boyfriend you're gonna get. You're mine, all mine, you hear? I can do whatever I want with what's mine."

I felt like crying, I always felt like crying when he brought me back to reality like that. He was right, I felt so stupid, he was the only one who would ever go out with me, I looked up at his angry face, "I'm sorry Jacob, you're right, you're always right."

"Good," he ran his hand down my arm, dragging my sleeve slightly, "now that we've got that sorted, I need you to prove to me how sorry you are."

His hand had reached mine when his speech was over, so he gripped it and pulled me along behind him. We headed upstairs, into my bedroom and he pulled me onto the bed with him. We had sleepovers sometimes, it had been his idea ages ago to just sleep in the same bed to save the hassle of improvising a bed on the floor.

Jacob positioned us so we were both on our sides facing each other. He grinned and put one hand round the back of my neck and kissed me roughly, I didn't like it but there was nothing I could do. He forced my lips open and pushed his tongue past my teeth into my mouth. We had never gone this far before, he must have been really upset by me. He rolled on top of me and I was almost crushed by his weight, I found it difficult to breathe. His spare hand made its way under my shirt, under my bra and started groping me. Inside I was screaming. I stopped my weak, futile resistance then and fell helplessly against the bed, letting Jacob have his way with me.

I was saved by Charlie coming home from work. Jacob rolled off me and I was in too much shock to notice much else. Jacob was already sauntering down the stairs. I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and noticed tears streaming down my face, that's when the sobs came tumbling out. I tried to keep the noise down, thankfully Charlie wasn't very observant.

After my tears had ran out, I splashed some water over my face and had a calming drink of water. It did the job, the natural survival instinct that stopped me breathing in the water helped control my breathing and therefore the sobs. I looked at my face, my cheeks and my eyes were red, however there was no trace of tears, the only thing that would lessen the red on my cheeks was more cold water, the only thing that would reduce the red around my eyes was time. I splashed my face with water again.

I stared at the sink, there were 386 hairline cracks in the cream porcelain around the hot tap, and 187 cracks around the cold tap. I lifted my gaze to the tiles protecting the plaster from water damage. They were a slightly lighter shade of cream than the sink. I concentrated on the details in front of me.

I took a deep breath, daring my lungs to falter and break down into sobbing again. My breathing was smooth and even. I looked again at my reflection. My cheeks were no longer red. Neither were my eyes. I concentrated on my movements. I took my hands off the sink and put them into my pockets. I did this to hide the trembling. I turned to the door. I looked at my feet. I moved my left leg first. I put my left foot in front of my right. Then I put my right foot in front of my left... As I went down the stairs I put my hand on the banister. I walked down 14 steps. I got to the base of the steps. I turned right. I walked into the dining room. I sat on the chair furthest away from Jacob. I ate only one bite of pizza.

Jacob went home at ten. As soon as he was gone I went to my bedroom. As soon as the door was closed I changed. As soon as I was changed I cleaned my teeth. As soon as I cleaned my teeth I laid down on top of my bed. As soon as I was on my bed I cried. I cried myself to sleep.

The next day was Monday, that was why Jacob didn't sleepover last night. I didn't know what I would have done if he had. I was sitting, ready for school, in my car before I knew what was happening. I started the engine and drove to school, with the strange feeling that I had odd socks on. I turned out I was right, I didn't pay any attention to my clothes as I dressed this morning. It also turned out that I was wearing black jeans, a bright turquoise t-shirt and a brown jacket. My hair was getting in my face already, I didn't think to tie it back. I didn't think.

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**A/N – **just a random blob of inspiration, next chappy planned (ish), but not yet written, is it worth it? please review!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – **I decided, there are no "singers" in this story, only moments of weakness lol =]  


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**Chapter 2 – crash and burn**

My lips were swollen at school that day. I didn't notice at the time, but I gradually worked out why people were whispering, and how it started. Only a few people whispered then, the people who didn't like me or know me. That didn't bother me, even when I returned to normal later in the week, once I had adjusted, it didn't bother me. I still had my friends and they still liked me.

Jacob hadn't hit me or _touched_ me since my birthday and I had put it all down to being frustrated and angry at me and Mike. If you loved someone you accepted and forgave their faults, right? The month following my birthday was the best month of my life. Jacob kept buying me things and taking me out, he became the perfect boyfriend, but sometimes I'd catch him looking upset of confused, he told me it was nothing, just school, then he would be happy again.

That all changed though, at one of Jacob's friend's birthday. It was in la push, at a popular bar, I was under-age, but Jacob smuggled me beers, I couldn't refuse. I sipped at my beer slowly, so Jacob wouldn't feel the need to get me another one. Then Jared – the birthday boy – brought everyone some shots. Jacob refused to let me back out, it was only a little fun I told myself.

Jacob became drunk, while I was just a little tipsy and I found everything hilarious that night, I just couldn't stop myself from laughing, and I had loads of energy, so I was eager when Jacob pulled me onto the dance floor.

I danced with him all night, and Jacob kept getting me drinks, I trusted him then so I didn't pay attention to what he got me. I ended up drunk, near the end of the night Jacob dragged me outside. I didn't know what he was planning until he shoved me up against the wall and started kissing me too roughly.

Again I tried to resist, but my weak struggles were ineffectual against Jacob's brute strength and ignorance. I didn't know who was in control here, it certainly wasn't me, and it didn't seem to be Jacob. He was out of control. He gripped my shoulders so hard it hurt, I was going to bruise there, he pushed his hips against mine, crushing them back into the wall. He forced himself between my legs, he even put one hand on my bare thigh and roughly hooked it around his waist. I heard laughter somewhere off to the side.

I continued to struggle but I felt lethargic, as if I was trying to move through treacle, it felt as if I was trying to think through treacle as well. Jacob moved his head to my shoulder, he started biting it, I cried out in pain, but his hand clamped down over my mouth. Then he bit the strap to my top. He ripped the strap off me, I looked down and it was stained with blood. My shoulder was bleeding where he bit me. He grabbed a fistful of my top then and pulled, at first it wouldn't come off, but he yanked again and again until it did, each time the material cut deeper into my back.

"No, please Jacob," I tried to protest, it came out slurred.

I heard another round of laughter from the same place as before. Jacob started pulling at my bra then, he couldn't fit his hands between the wall and my back to undo it properly. Once my bra was off, I grasped my shoulders, brought me forward then quickly slammed me back against the wall, I slid up, my feet dangling in the air. He started licking and biting me, again I pushed against him, but my energy seemed to be non-existent, as soon as I pushed against him I couldn't keep it up any more.

I knew this was wrong, I knew I was being violated, I knew I couldn't stop it. A heated hand travelled up my thigh, under the skirt that Jacob had bought me and then forced me to wear tonight. He started rubbing, tickling the inside of my thigh, then moved onto playing with my underwear, slipping his fingers inside...

I sagged forward and almost fell on Jake, then I could feel another pair of hands on me, "stop hogging all the fun Jake," I heard a voice say.

"I'm only letting you borrow her," Jake warned, "I don't want her spoilt either."

I only remembered a blur of images after that. I woke up the next day, still in only the stupid mini skirt. My head pounded and it hurt just to think. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, I was cold from being topless and on top of my sheets, I shivered.

"Hey, wake up!" a fraction of a second later my face was stinging where I had just been slapped.

I opened my eyes in shock. I couldn't remember anything from last night. I internally died from horror as I saw I was in an unfamiliar house, completely topless, with five virtual strangers.

Memories came flooding back to me painfully, drinking, dancing, hands, clothes ripping, hot breath that reeked of alcohol, biting, laughing, being crushed against the wall... someone must have spiked my drink. I didn't like Jacob's friends and I felt thrills of fear creep in as they grinned menacingly at me.

I remember screaming as they converged, but it did no good. I had no personal memories of what happened that morning. One thing I could be reasonable sure about though, was that I was still a virgin. I dreaded the day that Jacob would want to go all the way.

Even though I had no memories of that morning, I could tell you in detail what exactly happened... so could the rest of the school. The video got taken off youtube within two weeks, but that was still long enough for everyone at school to see it.

That was when everything changed, my whole world turned upside down and inside out. I was drugged on the video, I looked like I was enjoying it on the video, I was pretty convincing on the video. It was very cleverly edited, it even included fuzzy scenes from the night before that were filmed on mobiles.

On that black day, everyone turned against me, even Charlie. He had seen the video as well, everyone thought I was asking for more, for money, they thought I was a prostitute. Charlie kicked me out the house for a week until he was forced to let me back in. But he never talked to me after that.

When he let me back in, I cooked his favourite, planning to tell him what really happened and apologise. But before I could get any words out, Charlie stormed across the kitchen and put his food in the bin without even looking at it, or me.

I tried to talk to him, I begged him to listen to me, but he turned away. He went out the house to escape my grovelling. Technically, I lived with my dad, but I might as well have been living alone, he had never even acknowledged my existence since then, or Jacob's.

Jacob came and went as he pleased, he stayed over when ever he wanted, and dragged me to la push whenever he wanted. Charlie began to work all day at the police station, then stayed out until late, so it was all he could do to crawl back into bed at night.

That meant he couldn't hear my screams, he couldn't hear the banging, he couldn't hear me beg Jacob to stop. He couldn't hear Jacob's moans of sick pleasure as he groped me in all the wrong ways. He wasn't there to witness Jacob not allowing me to eat because I was too fat, he wanted me to be like Paris Hilton. He didn't see me faint from hunger. He didn't see me break down when everything got too much and all I wanted was for someone to understand. He didn't see the fear in my eyes whenever I thought of Jacob, or the grief when I thought of him or my friends. He didn't see me die inside, he didn't see me become an empty shell, he didn't see me retreat so far into myself I was hardly the person I had been at fifteen.

A year later and I'm still the school whore. I didn't really expect any different. I had grown immune to it, almost. I could successfully block out some of the whispering, and some of the cat calling, some of the bitch fights, but it still stung when I saw my old friends glaring at me. I longed with all my heart for the days when I was happy. When I had friends to lean on, when I had no reason to lean on anyone. My friends had behaved much like Charlie, they refused to hear my _excuses_, I was completely taken aback by the venom in their voices when they told me to crawl under a rock and die like the scum I was.

I was scum. Good, strong people didn't end up being an almost-sex-toy for their boyfriend, they didn't get drunk, they didn't allow themselves to be drugged, they didn't allow themselves to be beaten and groped my their boyfriend's mates, they didn't alienate everyone they were close to in a single weekend. Good, strong people didn't give up hope, I did. I tried though, I tried so hard to keep going, to keep alive, but I eventually crumbled into nothing anyway.

I suppose what made it all worse was... I remembered what it felt like to be loved, I was content, happy, I had a good life. It was so confusing when everything was just up ended on my head, I had nowhere to turn, everywhere I went, everyone I turned to when my mum died, had turned their back on me. Just like the memories of my mum still sting, the memories of friendship stung, even worse.

I trudged through the halls to my first lesson. I barely paid any attention to my surroundings, people gave me a wide berth, they were afraid of catching AIDS or something similar. I knew I didn't have an STI, I was still a virgin, of that I was sure, if nothing else.

I collapsed into my chair in maths, I had no more energy left to face the day, and it was only half eight in the morning. That was the thing with me, I woke up tired, I went to bed tired, then I woke up again even more tired. It was like life itself was draining me of everything I could give. I ignored the scornful glares, the cruel whispers and the screwed up pieces of paper hitting my back, probably with something dreadful and insulting written on them. Their insults and rumours meant nothing to me now, everything meant nothing to me, I had no meaning, I had no purpose. I just drifted along without a purpose, or a steering wheel, it was probably why I bumped into things so much, why I had so many bruises that I had to cover up most of the time... until I got back to the house – it stopped being home to me a year ago, I had no home now.

I sat staring blankly at the empty page in front of me. That's all I ever was now, blank. I blocked out everything around me, I didn't have the patience or the energy to deal with my life today. I didn't notice when the seat next to me became occupied, it was the only seat left in the class, but still, the whispers of outrage and jealousy increased. I came back to reality when my chair got violently kicked from behind, by Tyler Crowley.

I jumped out of my skin, and the whole class snickered mercilessly at me. Then I noticed for the first time the new occupant of the chair next to me. I stared in complete shock at him, even new people here are quickly warned to stay away from me. And they comply, they had no doubt that I was a whore after they were shown the phone version of the youtube video that ruined my life.

The stranger was getting his books out, and I cringed away from him to the other side of the desk, focusing all my energy on being as small and as unnoticeable as I could. The teacher started the lesson, we were looking at phases of mitosis, and the practical we would be doing required us to be lab partners.

Mr Banner came over, "are you alright here, Edward? If you want to move, just say the word, no questions asked, ok?" he murmured to the stranger beside me, even the teachers hate me here.

"I'm ok," he said – obviously he hadn't seen the video – and after Mr Banner had stalked off he turned to me, "Hi, I guess you already know I'm Edward Cullen, you are...?"

Oh. My. God! Is he for real? Think of the sexiest, most gorgeous people you have seen, Jonny Depp? Orlando Bloom? Brad Pitt? Put them all together and times it by a million... then you get Edward Cullen.

"Whore!" Tyler coughed behind me.

I sunk deeper in my chair and stared straight ahead. I should have seen that one coming really but my brain had been shocked right out of thinking. It still refused to cooperate with me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward's face fall, then he frowned frustrated, probably wished he had taken Mr Banner up on his offer to move, as he turned back to the front as well. That was unexpectedly painful, that he would turn against me so suddenly. Ugh! I was so desperate for someone to talk – civilly – to, I had gotten my hopes up, only to have them crushed. I was surprised there was anything left to build up in the first place.

They said hope was like glass, beautiful, yet fragile. My hope had been crushed so many times it was more like sand, it was clumpy and more fun to knock down, not like glass, nothing about me ever got close to beautiful, I could see that in the mirror even without Jake telling me.

Yet I couldn't seem to help myself! Every time I saw my old friends or Charlie I would spark, hoping they would turn and at least show me they didn't completely hate me. They never did, no-one ever did, not even the new stranger, once he knew what I was.

Of course there was no escape.

Mr Banner instructed the class to retrieve a microscope and place it somewhere around the room where there was a lot of light. I looked round the room and sighed, every possible space next to a window was taken. I suppose me and Edward would have to make do with our desk, the furthest possible from the window.

I sighed as I sat back down in my seat and pushed the microscope to the middle of the desk, "there's no room next to a window... so we have to do it here, sorry," I explained.

"What are you apologising for?" he looked confused.

"Erm..." I couldn't think, it was his eyes, his topaz eyes, I was swimming in them, I couldn't think, "for not being by a window? For you having to work with me? For probably making you fail biology?" I didn't know what he wanted from me, it made me the most uncertain and nervous I had ever been, like I was about to give a speech on global television.

He frowned, "that's nothing to apologise for... and I wont let us fail," he finished with a smirk.

All I could do was stare, not only was his smirk absolutely breathtaking, but it was a halfway friendly expression... and it was for me! I hadn't been shown any form of friendship for _so long_. I was overwhelmed with emotion, gratitude, happiness... I started to tear up. Oh god, he would think I was crazy too, I ran to the bathroom, not caring what anyone thought... well I kinda cared what Edward thought.

Stupid, stupid Bella, if you start to care, you'll start to need him! If you start to need him, you'll fall again. Damn my stupid hope! Once it decides to take root, there's nothing I can do to stop it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – blackness **

**Charlie's pov**

She was my little girl, my precious angel... where did I go wrong? She had been so sweet and innocent, she never even entertained the thought of putting just a toe out of line. I thought she was always uncomfortable like that, always so up tight. So I introduced her to Billy's son Jacob, you know, to get her to lighten up a little. Well that one certainly backfired.

I watched in horror and disbelief as I saw my only daughter half naked doing... things I that never even imagined she would ever be capable of. It wasn't sex, no, but it was too damn close! How the hell could she betray me like this? My own bloody daughter? Did Jacob Black get her into this? Why? Why the hell would she even go along with this? I thought she was fucking stronger than that!

How could she even do this to me? Especially after I had warned her time and time again not to get bloody involved with anything like that! I had told her from when she was too little to even understand that sex before marriage was bad. She disobeyed me.

She bloody disobeyed me! It was the very thing she knew would hurt me the most, and she bloody went and did it anyway! Well, now I guess she'll have to face the bloody consequences! I took one last look at the image on the screen, I didn't see Bella, I didn't see a sweet little girl... I saw a fucking teenager with a future behind fucking bars!

Bella was dead to me.

I kicked her out of the house that day when she came back with _Jacob._ It lasted a week before I was forced to let her back inside. But she was a stranger there, she tried to win me over with my favourite food but _she_ had made it with the same bloody hands that were wrapped around naked fucking torsos! It made me sick just to think about eating it! I ignored her then, from that day on, not a single word has escaped my lips that was directed at _her._

I turned to the fridge, I needed a drink. Like I did so many years ago when Renee left me, my hand roamed around the back of the fridge, looking for something stronger than beer. I came across a full bottle of vodka, might as well.

I pulled the bottle out, narrowly avoiding knocking all the cans of beer onto the floor. That would've been annoying. I moved lethargically around the kitchen, looking for a shot glass. I found one after only a few minutes of looking, good. I moved to the kitchen to drown my sorrows, and anger, in alcohol.

Not only did I drown my sorrows and anger, but I drowned my brain as well. I knew this amount of alcohol consumption was usually the reason half the people in the cells landed themselves in there, but I didn't care. I didn't move from my seat as I slowly finished the bottle.

As the last drop was poured – and downed – I felt the bottle slip from my hand to the table, where it rolled to the other side and crashed to the floor. I felt the shot glass take a more direct route to the kitchen tiles but the blackness smothering me made it hard to care. It made it hard to care about anything – which was my intention, not to care, not to hurt over it, not to blame myself, not to blame her and not to blame Jacob.

I chuckled as I felt the blackness close in, cutting off all feeling and memory. At last, some peace of mind. This was good, I liked this feeling, maybe I should do this more often.

**Bella's pov**

I cried in the bathroom... but they were happy tears. I was happy and hopeful, and I knew it was a mistake. He would realise soon enough, even if he thought Tyler was merely enjoying a spiteful joke, he would realise soon enough. If not, then I'm sure me going crazy and crying because he smiled at me would do the trick... yeah, great going there Bella, why don't you just tell him you think he's the most gorgeous guy you've ever seen?

I took deep breaths and willed the tears away, and in a few moments I had regained all of my previous composure, as they say; _practise makes perfect._ I bit my lip as I emerged from the bathroom and dithered by the door, should I go back to biology and face the class? Worse, the teacher? Worst, Edward Cullen?

Edward Cullen... the mystery man who actually gave me a smile. Edward Cullen who had unruly hair in the most fascinating shade of bronze known to man. Edward Cullen who had perfect alabaster skin and piercingly glorious eyes. Edward Cullen who kinda intimidated the hell out of me. Right, I wasn't going back to that class room today, maybe I could fake an illness and get the rest of the day off, give a semi-valid excuse for suddenly running out off the class room like that.

I knocked timidly on the door, no need to fake looking like shit, I did that all the time, I was generally very good at it. But right now I needed to look really _ill_, like I was just about to throw up. I figured hunching over and laying a limp hand feebly on my stomach would be enough.

Obviously it wasn't, because, when I had tried my best to express my imaginary condition to the nurse, she just narrowed her eyes at me and gave me a leaflet on chlamydia. I have not had sex! I didn't have an STI!

I sighed and took the leaflet out of her outstretched hand, I knew that no amount of reasoning, arguing or protesting could make anyone here believe the truth. I wondered if they had always expected me to become a prostitute, they probably thought I'd been at it a while before that video. Dragging my thoughts out of the gutter – which is basically where I belonged, but we could all try, right? – I stood up and shuffled out the door.

I hurried along the the corridor and raced to my truck and climbed in, slamming the door behind me. I felt like an escaped convict, despite my twisted life, I had never really done anything bad, the bad just seemed to keep happening to me.

After a few deep breaths I started the truck and drove back to the house. I decided to get ahead on my homework, then started hoovering, what else was there to do? I wondered if Charlie even noticed that I cleaned up, it was probable that he was always too drunk to notice anything, even the wall when it was in his way.

He would sometimes notice me, though, if I didn't scurry away quickly enough. He would stagger over to me and shout words at me such as _slut_ and _whore _and _skank_. Those nights were the worst, they were usually accompanied by some form of physical violence from Charlie... then there was always Jacob Black.

I doubted Charlie ever remembered any of that... I did, though. I remembered everything, every night, every afternoon, every single day of abuse. It was burned into my memory like a sick, twisted scar, a visible reminder of something so awful it hurt just to even look at.

No one could see my scars though – well, bruises, Jacob usually stopped just short of piercing my skin... usually – I made sure of that. Everything I wore by choice covered every part of my skin except my face and hands. Whenever I got a bruise or scratch on my face it was easily explained away by my clumsiness – not that anyone asked.

Sometimes I wondered what I would say if anyone asked, would I tell the truth? Would I lie? Would people believe me if I told them it was Jacob all along? That I was drugged in all the internet videos? Jacob and his friends hadn't stopped at one, there had been a number of videos over the last year – and a lot of other times without a camera, and his friends – and I wasn't sober for a single moment of it.

I supposed I was glad of that, the haze dulled the horror, eased the guilt slightly that he forced me to take the drugs then forced his way with me. But nothing could ease the guilt that was constantly weighing down on me – how could I get out of this? I had no one to turn to, nowhere to hide – and shot through me agonisingly whenever I saw Charlie.

I was so lost in my hoovering that I didn't hear the front door open... and close. I didn't hear the footsteps approach from behind. I didn't notice the hulking presence or the hot alcohol infused breath... until it was too late.

"What the hell are you doing home so early?" the words thundered around the room menacingly.

I froze, crap! How the hell was I going to explain this? How the hell was I going to survive this? "Umm..."

_Whack, _"Don't give me that! You should be at fucking school! Or have you come home early to prepare for your next shitty _client?_" Charlie leered in my stinging face, his face distorting when he said the word _client_ thick with insinuations.

His face twisted with disgust and anger as I choke on thin air, unable to compose a coherent reply. He pushed me halfway across the room, luckily I landed on nothing but soft carpet.

"Why, Isabella?" he demanded as he kicked my stomach.

"Why did you fucking do it?" he lifted me up and flung me onto the sofa.

"Why are you such a slut?" he brought both fists down onto my exposed ribs as I instinctively moved my hands to protect my head.

He swayed and I used the opportunity to roll off the sofa and try to make my escape... _try_ being the operative word.

He grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards and I fell to the floor. I could only stare in horror as he lifted his foot. It hovered for a second. It seemed to hold my fate within that second. It had the potential to mess me up even further... or leave me alone, and perhaps I could put all this behind me one day. It hung in the air, a foot above my shoulder.

Then it came crashing down, I screamed as all Charlie's drunken weight crushed my shoulder and snapped my collarbone, sending shooting pains scattering out throughout my shoulder and arm from the point of contact where his boot was, I thrashed and screamed even more as pushed down briefly to propel himself backwards and to the big armchair.

Charlie collapsed into the armchair, but he didn't stay sitting for long. Unfortunately I made the mistake of trying to get up.

"Ugh!" he grunted angrily as he stood up and grabbed a half empty beer bottle from the mantle piece.

He lunged, brought the bottle high, and smashed it across the back of my head. I collapsed back onto the floor, not having the strength or the will power to keep myself off the carpet. Through the pain – in my head and in my shoulder – I noticed warmth seeping across my scalp and through my matted hair.

Barely conscious, I heard Charlie stomp up the stairs, he was still angry, but was now finding a less destructive, less violent outlet for his frustration, it wasn't like he deliberately _enjoyed_ seeing me in pain. He was just... letting his anger out, in a less than constructive way.

I felt myself slip even further into the blackness, waiting to claim me, I wondered if I would die from loss of blood, or, if not, would I just pass out then wake up here again? Would Jacob have gotten to me while I was out? Would a miracle happen and I would wake up in a hospital? What would I say to the doctors and nurses if I did? How would I explain my bruises? Not even the clumsiest person in the world – which may well be me – could get _that_ many bruises through sheer accident.

I heard the shower running upstairs, it made a nice background noise, easy listening – god I must be delirious if I'm describing the noise of a shower as easy listening – just sounds, not a melody that you had to concentrate on to work out. I felt myself slip even more into the awaiting blackness, only a few more inches, but just enough to give the blackness some hope, just enough for it to redouble its efforts, as it did, I felt my grip on reality slacken, I heard impossible noises that I couldn't place. Then I finally succumbed.

The blackness was peaceful, quiet, _numb._ No dreams, no nightmares, peace. No worries, no fears, peace. No pain, no drugs, peace. I welcomed it with open arms, unable to put up a fight, I didn't _want _to fight any more, I just wanted to be without a care for just a few minutes at least.

Unfortunately, for me, peace doesn't last long.

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**A/N – **ok, who thinks Bella should end up in hospital? With Carlisle treating her? And who thinks its a little too early for that? And who thinks an alien should come and abduct her? Only kidding about the last one!!!

seriously though, please review!!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – hospital**

**Edward's pov**

The girl from biology – Bella – had been preying on my mind for the rest of the day, ever since biology. She had been so odd, all I did was smile at her, I hadn't even bared my teeth! Once again, I wished I could see into her mind, like I did everyone else's. But she ran away crying, was she that terrified of me? That thought brought me crashing back down to reality rather painfully, I was a vampire, always the villain of the horror stories, I should take Mr Banner up on his offer and move, I shouldn't subject her – the damsel in distress – to me – the monster – any more than I could help it... so why was I in the middle of the woods, only a mile and a half from her house? The truth was... she absolutely fascinated me.

It was wrong, immoral, selfish, stupid, unhealthy, just pure _dangerous_ for me to be doing this. I should really stop now... I'll go... soon... any minute now... why was this so hard?

I heard a faint scream of pure agony... it was a mile and a half away... my head whipped around in the direction of Bella's house... no thought was involved in my next actions, they were purely instinctual.

The next thing I knew, I was running top speed to do the exact thing I had just promised myself I wouldn't do – get more involved with Bella.

It killed me to slow down to human pace when I reached the streets, but even then I was moving too fast, but the street was deserted, no one would see me as I made my way to Bella's house. I didn't need to force the lock on the door as it had been left open, I proceeded cautiously into the room, afraid of what I might find, afraid of _blood._

I could hear incoherent thoughts emanating from upstairs where someone was in the shower, they were drunk, but I couldn't think about them.

I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath until I rounded the corner and was taken aback by the pool of blood. My previous worries of blood and danger and morality fled my mind as they were immediately pushed out by only one thing – Bella.

It took me only half a second to see she was laying on the floor awkwardly, blood oozing from the back of her head and shards of shattered glass scattered around her. She looked so helpless, it was a sight to break anyone's heart.

It took me even less than half a second to be picking her up gently and running her as fast as I could to the hospital. I ran through the woods and the streets, ranging my mind out and scanning the thoughts of people close by, judging whether they were paying attention, judging whether to take risks.

I was more reckless than I usually was, taking more risks, exposure was the last thing on my mind as I ran with Bella cradled in my arms. After approximately four seconds I had to slow down to walk through the hospital doors, I didn't need to call for a nurse, for as soon as the doors opened and the receptionist saw me, and Bella in my arms she called for a doctor. Many people came running, including Carlisle, he had smelled me coming into the hospital and had come running as fast as he safely could.

_What happened, son? Who's this? Are you okay? _The last thought entered his mind as he saw my face. I saw what I looked like and I was shocked, I looked distraught, slightly more than I should, considering I had only met this girl briefly today.

I just nodded my head infinitesimally at him, he saw my gesture and understood, _okay, I'll see you in my office soon? _I nodded again.

"Do you know what happened?" another nurse asked me urgently, reminding that I hadn't answered Carlisle's previous questions.

I took a deep breath and winced as her fresh, flowing blood, hit my nostrils and set my throat alight, but I forced the air out, "I just found her unconscious on the floor with the shattered glass around her," I explained, looking meaningfully at Carlisle.

_Yes, in my office afterwards Edward, I'll listen to you safely then, I have to get this bleeding stopped. _It was a relief, a surprisingly big relief to have Carlisle's patient understanding. I walked with them as they got Bella onto a bed and wheeled her away to A&E to get her head looked at.

It was mostly superficial scratches, they didn't go too deep, and there were no fractures in her skull, but the glass had to be taken out and they needed to be sewn up... and there was a lot of them... and underneath all that, she was developing a lump in the back of her head. My hands tightened around her as I saw the damage. Yes, I was holding Bella.

Being unconscious made it difficult to get to the back of her head, Carlisle had sent the nurse off to find some antiseptic – even when he had some in the room – and as soon as we were alone he revealed that it was just a ploy to give us some time to talk privately, he would prefer not to wait to get the truth out of me. I smirked and came to hold Bella up giving me an excuse to stay there while Bella was being treated.

_What happened?_ He thought as he swept Bella's hair out of the way, and over my shoulder, the one her head was leaning against.

"I was in the forest, hunting and I decided to come back taking a route closer to town, then I heard her scream, I didn't know who it was at first, but then I got to her house and her door was open and I just walked in and found her unconscious on the floor," I muttered while watching him at work, it came out rushed as I tried to get it all in one breath, her blood was a potent force.

Carlisle just nodded and continued his work. Bella's head fell to the side and as I tried to shift her back into position I noticed something was wrong. I froze, "Carlisle" I whispered.

"What's wrong?" he asked aloud.

"I think her shoulder's broken," I whispered again, as if saying it aloud would somehow make it worse.

I quickly, yet gently laid her limp form down flat on the hard bed and then had to swallow a lump in my throat. She looked so peaceful, it was the first time I'd seen her peaceful, or anything remotely close to happy, I had only seen her crying, frustrated, or metaphorically dying of humiliation. I hadn't heard much behind the thought _whore_ in Tyler Crowley's head, and I had to beat back the anger that rose up inside me, again.

_Which one?_ Carlisle inquired with his mind and I replied by pointing to her right shoulder, not trusting my voice, as I looked carefully at the shoulder I knew had I broken bone, I could see the slight dip in the line of her bone...

Carlisle immediately began probing her shoulder with his fingers, _it's her right clavicle... snapped... completely... this is going to need a metal rod through her shoulder..._ he broke off and looked at me, "well spotted, Edward," he said to me gravely, all I could do was nod.

Carlisle quickly arranged an x-ray for Bella while she was still unconscious, and I was left in the room with her, completely at a loss as to what to do with myself. I had never felt this awkward before, all I wanted to do was stare at her – the look of peace on her face still overwhelmed me – yet, it felt inappropriate. I tried to keep my eyes off her, but failed as I constantly felt drawn to look at her, to move closer to her.

It was close to painful, taking in her fragility as she lay there, she was so skinny, it was almost unhealthy. You could almost see her bones poking out, didn't she have an appetite?she looked like one breath could snap her...

I jumped as my hand brushed her skin, I felt guilty to realise I actually had moved closer to her. Her heat shot like electricity up my arm and I drew it back involuntarily. But then became intrigued, I brushed her cheek again, and I felt her skin shock me, again. I heard Carlisle's footsteps approaching accompanied by a couple of nurses then and withdrew back to a chair in the corner and sat down.

The nurses came in and started preparing the bed to be moved so Bella could have her x-ray. Carlisle gave me a reassuring smile as he accompanied Bella to have her x-ray, _go home son, you've done well, and I doubt you would want to hang around in a hospital with all this blood around, even I find it a little uncomfortable at times._ I nodded and left the hospital somewhat reluctantly.

**Bella's pov**

Why couldn't the peace ever last long enough? I wrinkled my nose as the sharp sterile smell hit my nose, then I became aware of a throbbing in my head and a dull ache in my shoulder. I opened my eyes... and stared at a plain white, _bright_ ceiling. I had to squint for a bit, but then I could see, and what I saw was a hospital room, that would explain the smell, I never liked the smell of hospitals, I never liked hospitals full stop.

It was probably irrational of me, hospitals were here to help, to save lives, no reason to fear them. But it was _why_ people were in them that had me terrified. That probably wasn't quite as irrational, but maybe me associating that fear with hospitals was a little irrational.

I tried to sit up... _big_ mistake there, as soon as I moved my arm I felt sharp shooting pains course through my shoulder, I let out a weak moan of pain and quickly gave up on making myself comfortable. I laid back down on my fluffy white pillows, resigned to staring at the blank ceiling for an indefinite amount of time. I reached up to try to discover the source of the sudden tingling in my cheek – it wasn't like it had just started tingling, more that I had only just noticed it tingling – but there was nothing there, I frowned in confusion and let my hand drop back to the bed, but my cheek refused to stop tingling.

How the hell did I get here anyway? I remembered Charlie stamping on my shoulder, I remember trying to escape, I remember the beer bottle come crashing down on my head... I remembered listening to the shower, I remembered impossible noises, a blur of green and bronze, I remembered wind, lots of wind, and I remembered heat, or electricity – but not pain – in my cheek, the cheek that wouldn't stop tingling. But no memories of ambulances or sirens, no memories of travelling, I sighed, it was a mystery.

A doctor came in then, distracting me from my thoughts. He smiled and picked up the chart on the end of my bed, he started scanning through the information on it as I continued to watch him.

Fortunately, he didn't take too long reading the chart, "Well, Isabella, I'm Dr Carlisle Cullen, are you in any pain?" he looked at me levelly.

I shook my head, still slightly confused and disorientated, but stopped quickly as the room began to spin. Dr Cullen helped me sit up in bed properly then handed me a glass of water, I drank it gratefully, and set it down when I was satisfied.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked softly, sympathy deep in his eyes.

Suddenly, Charlie's drunken face swam in front of my eyes, "oh... umm... I fell down the stairs... with the hoover?" I suddenly remembered Charlie smashing the bottle on my head and had to repress a shudder, "...And a glass?" I was terrible at being put on the spot.

"The front door was open Bella, and you weren't found at the bottom of the stairs, you were found in the living room, with the remnants of a broken beer bottle surrounding you, was it a burglar or something similar?" he asked concerned.

I ought to thank god for letting Carlisle give me an easy way out, I nodded. He asked what precisely happened and I recounted what happened, only replacing Charlie with the burglar.

"If you want to press charges, we can contact the police and all you will have to do is give a statement, possibly a description, and then, when they find him, you may have to speak at court," he told me kindly, I liked him, he was the first doctor I have ever actually liked.

But still, I shook my head slowly as Charlie, the chief of police's face, once more swam in front of my eyes, "No, I don't want to press charges thank you."

"Well, if you ever change your mind, then you can always come to me, understand?" I nodded in reply again, I didn't feel like talking much, I guessed Carlisle put it down to emotional trauma from being burgled.

He turned to leave, "How did I get here?" I blurted out, I couldn't imagine Jacob or Charlie calling an ambulance or anything for me, at the same moment his pager beeped.

He checked it quickly then turned to look at me, "my son," he said before he dashed out to some emergency somewhere else in the hospital.

I could see the pride on his face when he said _my son_ I could hear it in his voice, but his answer left me reeling from shock... and unsatisfied, who was his son?

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**A/N – **please keep the reviews coming!!! shout out to everyone who's reviewed in the nxt chappy!! mwa ha ha ha haa! now im bribing u!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – visitations**

Jacob came to see me. He came the day after I had woken up, after finding out where I was. He left it two days to look for me, they had to keep me sedated for about a day because of my collar bone, but it was three days since I was beaten by Charlie that Jacob came to see me. I wished he could have left it longer.

He told me I was stupid and pathetic and weak, and this time, it really got to me, more than usual. Of course it made me sad, but I was also angry, which was new. I knew I wasn't smart or pretty or strong, or anything like that, but did he really have to remind me all the time? Did he really have to point it out to me so bluntly?

I felt my hands ball into fists as my pathetic anger surged through me, producing stupid tears. Jacob laughed at me like he did every other time I cried when he said those things to me, but he didn't know these tears were anger induced.

Did he really have to starve me so I would be thin like Paris Hilton? Did he really have to buy me fake tan and blonde hair dye? - which I hadn't used yet – but more importantly, did he _really_ have to drug me then... I would call it semi-rape, it wasn't sex but you still needed fully informed and _sober_ consent didn't you?

This time, as he put me down with his cruel words, he wasn't in a position to hurt me, and I knew that. He hadn't been the one to hurt me this time, so I didn't have the pain as a left over reminder of his power over me. His power to hurt me.

It was Charlie's face that loomed over me, that had me trembling in fear, I knew I was even more trapped by Charlie, he was the chief of police! Even if I went to the police they would believe him over me, why wouldn't they? He was their chief and I was the town slut... and punch bag... and druggie.

I sat silently breaking down inside, the only evidence to that was the tears that stained my cheeks, and maybe all my tensed muscles and my unresponsiveness. But Jacob couldn't do anything, not yet, so he left, good riddance. I started to wonder when I stopped loving him, maybe it was a gradual change, but still shouldn't there be some point where you can say, I no longer love him, shouldn't there? Because I realised I definitely didn't love him now.

Once he was gone I let all the grief, the fear, the guilt, the self-pity, the anger come tumbling out. I sat in my bed and cried, because I had nothing better to do, there was nothing better I _could_ do. I had nothing to be proud of I wasn't good at actively doing anything. But I was good at not doing things...

I was good at not getting good grades in class, I was good at not crying out and screaming in pain when I was hit, I was good at not making friends, I was good at... not being _good. _There had to be a good reason for me being a loner, no one would ever help me when people ganged up on me at school...

Which reminds me... why the hell would anyone bring me to the hospital and... _help_ me? Could it have been an old friend? The hope was back as I silently speculated about Mike possessing some chivalry and the remnants of some friendly feelings towards me. Or Eric or Tyler or Angela... no, wait, the doctor said his _son_ brought me in. I wished I knew who had a doctor for a dad.

Another wave of grief washed over me as I remembered why I didn't know who had a doctor for a dad, because no one talked to me, they all avoided me, they were afraid of catching something. Maybe they were just afraid of coming into contact with my dirty hands, most people had a pretty good idea in their heads where my hands had been, or maybe they didn't want to catch my sluttiness, or chlamydia or gonorrhoea or HIV or whatever else they thought I had.

My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor checking on me again, he didn't seem to be in a rush today, so maybe I would get my questions answered this time. It didn't seem likely but I had to at least try right?

I watched as he slowly opened the door and hovered half inside my room, "you have another visitor," he said to me.

Immediately I started to panic, was this Charlie coming to _persuade_ me to stay silent? I was sure that his form of persuasion would include violence, whether it was hinted at, promised or... used. I nodded at Dr Cullen, if Charlie seemed in a bad mood I could ask the doctor to stay right? I hoped he would.

Dr Cullen stepped further into my room, still alone at this point, "my son wanted to visit you now that you were awake, I know this could be quite confusing so that's why I waited until today to let him visit, now that you've seen a familiar face I'm sure you feel more comfortable."

After seeing Jacob I was far from comfortable, but now I knew it wasn't Charlie stood outside the door I was much more relaxed. I nodded again, more eagerly this time, to show that I was still ok with this.

The doctor stepped aside and told us he would leave us alone for now, or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention. Well, I was paying attention, just not to the doctor. I was, however, paying attention to how the messy bronze hair caught the light, it was shiny but at the same time looked so soft, like those teddy bears that you cant help but rub against your cheek, then are reluctant to put down because they're so soft. I paid attention to his chiselled, angular features covered in smooth, alabaster skin. I paid attention to his piercing gold eyes, they seemed to look right into my soul, like he was seeing more than what sat right in front of him, they held me there and there was nothing I could do about it.

He walked slowly into the room and sat down on the chair by my bed, he had a small smile on his face, another sign of friendship, had he not seen the stupid video yet? All I could do was watch how his full lips curved into the most beautiful sight I could remember ever seeing.

Of course! That explains why he helped me, the new boy who didn't know to stay away from me yet, who was so kind hearted he had to help someone who needed it. To him I was probably just another face, he didn't know the person behind the face yet, but no one knew the person behind the face any more, I doubted the one person who still spent time with me voluntarily, ever paid much attention to me.

"Er, hi," my voice came out high pitched.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" he honestly sounded like he cared, has no one shown him the video yet?

"Umm... I'm fine. Thank you... for, you know... bringing me here," I was stammering, the almost forgotten words rolled off my tongue awkwardly.

"Think of it as my way of apologising," his words completely caught me off guard, not only was he the first person to apologise to me for anything in over a year, but, as far as I could recall, he had nothing to apologise for.

"For what?" I couldn't help myself, I cringed as I waited for his rebuff of my demanding tone.

But his reply was unexpectedly soft, "for whatever I did that made you run off crying on Monday."

What? He actually... he thought... he... upset me? "huh? Oh, no that wasn't you, that was just... me being emotional... why do you care so much anyway? I mean, you don't even know me."

"No, I don't know you, but maybe I would like to? I mean I was... just walking down the street, exploring the new town if you will, then I heard your scream," he shuddered and he looked down hiding his face from me, "I couldn't just _not_ do anything, and before I knew it I was through your open door and there you were laying on the carpet in a pool of blood..."

He trailed off and we both sat in awkward silence for a few moments. Morbid thoughts ran through my head; me, broken, blood... I hated the smell of blood. I reached over to grab my cup of water from the table, Edward saw what I wanted and passed me the cup before I had to reach to far, I mumbled another thank you and sipped the drink quietly.

"So...how has your first few days in forks been so far?" I asked when the silence became slightly awkward.

"Not great," he replied.

"Yeah, I think forks actually steals rain from other places like Phoenix."

He laughed, and god it was such a gorgeous sound, "maybe it does but I don't mind the rain."

"You like the rain?" I asked him doubtfully, "well I guess it kinda makes sense you moving _here_, but still, why do you like the rain?"

"It's kinda hard to explain, but if you've ever been in a forest in the rain, listening to the sounds of the raindrops hit the leaves and just nature enjoying the rain... that you'll understand."

For a moment I could imagine it, sat on a log, surrounded by the rich green leaves and the emerald canopy above, listening to the patter of the raindrops and the scurrying of tiny feet and the chirping of birds... it was magical, and it also reminded me of the start of Bambi.

"So... your dad's a doctor?" I asked to break the silence before it could become awkward.

"Yeah, Carlisle really enjoys being able to help people, that's one of the things I've liked since I met him."

"Since you met him?" I was curious, damn, I haven't felt curious in a long time, why did I suddenly start to feel again?

"Yeah, Carlisle's my adoptive father, he has been for a very long time, I can barely remember my own parents."

"Sorry," I mumbled, that had to be a sensitive topic.

"Don't worry about it, no one minds being adopted by Esme and Carlisle, we're very lucky to have them as parents," he quickly assured me, I was surprised by the sincerity in his voice, maybe he had just had a very long time to get used to it.

Edward sighed, then a minute later a nurse came in to shoo him out the door, while it was time for my pain meds, oh what _joy!_

Edward left with a small smile and a pleasant goodbye, which had my heart trying to leap out of my throat. Oh for gods sake! Just because someone shows some small signs of friendship, doesn't mean I should react like a... I don't know what I was acting like, but I must come across as desperate and slightly unhinged, I mean, _crying _because he _smiled_ at me?! Seriously, what _was _that?

I may as well act on the irrational urges to run my hands through his hair and feel his full lips against mine! I wonder what he would think if I started doing that! His expression of horror as I threw myself at him would be funny for a millisecond. Then he would push me away and shun me just like the rest, and it would hurt me more because he was the only one to show me any voluntary kindness, suddenly I was overcome with blind fury, and it was all directed at Jacob, he and his friends had turned my world upside down and effectively ruined my life.

The nurse injected the pain meds into my drip and soon after I felt myself drift off into a familiar, drug induced, hazy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – standing and breaking**

I was discharged at the end of the week, I didn't see Jacob again, I guess he had no use for me when I was in hospital. Edward came to visit me a couple more times, we talked about everything and nothing, we had a few laughs... and all the while, I was waiting for him to realise I was a whore and bolt.

I was still in my room, waiting to be freed, when Edward came in grinning, there really was no better sight that a grinning Edward, "Excited to get out of here finally?" he asked and I could hear enthusiasm to rival my own in his voice.

"Oh my god yes!" I half shouted, half sighed in relief.

"Do you need a lift back to your house?" I was slightly startled at his offer, and confused, but then it finally sank in that he was offering to drive me to my house when I had no other way of getting there.

"Yes please," I answered shyly, this was really a whole new experience for me, being taken care of.

But the feeling didn't last long as I turned towards my house. I insisted that Edward didn't walk me to the door, so he stayed parked at the curb waiting for me to go inside safely. He didn't know it was probably safer for me outside than in. I shivered momentarily before the last clouds of the day dissipated leaving me basking in the sun's warm rays.

I walked slowly forward into the house, the harsh sunlight hit the wall next to me, creating squares of bright, alien blue next to the faded grey of the shade. I could see the golden rays slanting before me, like gates barring the way. It contrasted even more with the silence that prickled with the wary tension evident in the set of my shoulders and my timid shuffling, making the house seem almost unearthly.

I sighed as I saw the mess from last week still on the floor, only the glass and the blood was trodden into the carpet and the hoover was shoved to the side roughly. I had been in hospital for the last week, but here was reality waiting for me to come back with a vengeance. I got the hoover and plugged it in, praying that it would still work – it did – and started to hoover up the glass fragments first, before I could do anything that would result in those shards being embedded in my skin, which was inevitable if the glass stayed there much longer.

Once the glass was removed I started to wonder how to get the blood out. I looked down, the blood had dried and turned such a dark crimson, it was almost black. It was crusty and dry, and I'm sure it permeated deep to the roots of the carpet.

I had just started to make a little progress with removing the bloodstain when I heard the static crunching of tyres on the driveway. I instantly dropped everything in my hands and ran upstairs, if it was Charlie I could probably hide in my room for the rest of the day. If it was Jacob... then nothing could save me.

Still, I couldn't help my reaction as I – rather fiercely – hoped to god it was Charlie. I heard the small click and the supposedly inoffensive creak of the door as it was pushed open. My breathing accelerated and I began to sweat as I heard footsteps move towards the stairs, I felt my muscles tense as fear overcame me. The agonisingly slow footsteps reverberated through my door, seeming to seal my doom with their finality and their slow approach.

I was close to hyperventilation as each footstep sounded closer to the suddenly very thin barrier of my wooden door. The very door that was the only thing between me and whoever was on the other side, I was sure that they harboured me no friendliness – or even _civility_ – because no-one was that kind to me, they always sought to hurt me, be it with words or actions, I was there to be hurt. I was the proverbial town punch bag, although some people – oh who am I kidding? _Everyone_ – liked to think I was the town bicycle.

With a speed that I couldn't even explain to myself, my thoughts jumped to Edward, the new student and his father, the new doctor. They hadn't been mean or threatening in any way... yet. I had to add the yet. It was for my own sanity, I wanted so desperately to trust them, to confide in them and maybe lean on them a bit when I felt overwhelmed. But if my hopes were crushed yet again... I'm not sure if I would survive. My hope would kill me one of these days.

You know when you're dreading something – and I mean really _really_ dreading something? ...And then for a moment there's the sweet relief when you think its going to be alright in the end and it wont happen, or at least it wont be that bad? ...And then the dread and the fear and the sheer _panic_ would creep up and overwhelm you, sucking you under and drowning you, just when you thought you had reached safety, but in actual fact, you were _never_ safe, and this makes everything even worse?

Yeah well, imagine _that_, then you're worst fear – who just happens to be your _boyfriend_, who you just realised you loathe _completely_ – walks through the door. Has anyone bolted yet? Has anyone simply snapped out of it and refused to imagine the situation any more? Is anyone still trying to merely _imagine_ what that is like? If there is anyone still _imagining_, then don't bother, nothing you _imagine_ can compare with the sound of a demon's sneer at you as he considers his prey, _that_ was my reality.

"You've been keeping me waiting Bella, you are so selfish for keeping me waiting," he hummed sweetly... seductively... menacingly.

He walked closer to where I was sat on the far corner of my bed, "I think I need to punish you, so you never keep me waiting again, you're _my _girlfriend, you belong to _me,_ you must tend to my every whim Bella, I haven't got time for your selfishness any more."

Unlike Charlie, Jake didn't take his anger and sorrow out on me, he wasn't disappointed or let down because of me, he never really cared enough. Jake did this because he _could._ He was cold, calculated and distant. He was a methodical sadist. He said he punished me to make me better, because I was worthless and useless, but I could tell he enjoyed it as well.

The blood was pounding painfully in my ears, so hard they were throbbing with each pulse. I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for his attack as he stepped closer to the bed.

He stood with his knees against the bed looking at me, analysing me with his eyes, "you're filthy, this will never do," he shook his head almost sadly.

He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me stumbling and whimpering to the bathroom. He ran the cold tap in the bath and before the bath was even half way filled he he forced me into it.

The water was so painfully cold that the shock of it made my muscles freeze up – no pun intended – for a second while the icy chill of the water attacked my nerves. He turned to the wire rack which held all the necessities and ordered me to strip while yanking out most of the bottles.

I was shivering so hard by now that my muscles were starting to cramp up. I moved one trembling hand to the hem of my top and tried to bring the other to meet it. The tremors in my fingers made it impossible to get a decent grip on my now soaking top which was sticking to my skin. As soon as I lifted my top, cold air hit my wet skin, making me – however impossible it seemed – even colder.

I dropped my top by instinct and hugged my arms around my torso. But that was a big – no, _huge_, no, _monumental_ – mistake. Jacob turned and saw me shivering without moving, the look in his eyes was so mad it was almost deranged.

"What did I tell you? What did I _fucking tell you?_" he shouted loud as he stormed to me.

I cringed away from him infinitesimally, as he started yanking my top off and wrestling my trousers down my legs. The cold just made me feel the rough scraping of the denim on my legs even more, every touch stung, each movement grated on my skin.

He poured all the products he had in his hands all over me, shampoo went on my arms and legs and face wash got into my hair, and he just started rubbing – if you could call that rubbing. Each movement pushed me first one way then the other, often resulting me banging some part of me hard enough to bruise.

All the while Jacob kept muttering things like, "so fucking filthy," or "disgusting excuse for a girl," or "such a fucking stupid, _filthy_ piece of scum," then he pushed me under and held me, resisting my frantic struggles as I fought for air.

My head and lungs both felt like they were going to explode when he finally relented and allowed me one small gasp of air before pushing me back down again. I struggled again, the survival instinct kicking in strong and hard. He let me come up for another breath and pushed me under again.

This time, one of my flailing feet made contact with his head. He stumbled to the side slightly and consequently let go of me and I was able to come up, panting and gasping desperately at the cool clean air that was now able to move freely around my lungs.

I scrambled to get out the bath before he could push me under water again. I made it to my bedroom door before he tackled me. I fell and grazed my chin on the scratchy carpet as Jacob's heavy weight landed on me, almost crushing me. I felt – and heard – all the air leave my lungs in one big _whoosh._

He rolled of my panting form to stand up and kick me. In that one kick, all the hatred, the anger, the fear, the resentment all kinda burst forth as dodged his next kick and stood up to face him. He looked completely taken aback as I stood up to him for the first time, he thought he had total power over me, and I suppose until today – or maybe when I first woke up in hospital – he had.

But I had decided I was tired of being weak, I'd had enough of being a whore, I'd had enough of being _bad._ I was going to be good, or work towards being good. I was going to wriggle out of Jacob's grasp and stop him pushing me down.

This time I didn't flinch away and wait until his beating was over, this time I met his attack with my own. Before he could even lift his arm to punch me, I flew at him hitting and kicking and scratching anything that I could reach.

He threw me off before long, I didn't really expect my scant weight and almost non-existent strength to be much of a challenge for him, but the ease with which he brushed me aside was slightly insulting. As if I would magically be able to defend myself after just deciding I would.

"Ugh! You are so ungrateful! I could have anyone I wanted but no, I stay with you because you have no one, you don't even deserve anyone, let alone me, who's trying to help you and be patient and considerate to you, but no you fucking throw it all back in my face like the ungrateful piece of scum that you are!" his tirade only angered me instead of guilting me into submission which was probably his intention.

"Then go!" I shouted, still wrestling to keep him off me, "have the someone else that you deserve, don't let me weight you down any more!" and with one final heave I managed to throw him off me.

If he looked taken aback before, he was utterly stunned now. He obviously never dreamed I would ever not want him, he thought I would always be dependant on him. Well, I was sick and tired of being dependant on him.

"What the hell brought all this on? You're nothing without me! You cant just tell me to fucking leave! You've been mine for three years! Three _fucking_ years!" he got a panicked gleam in his eye, he was afraid of being kicked out.

I ignored the desperation in his eyes as I shouted back, still feeling strangely brave, maybe it was because I realised just how _low_ my existence was, and anything he did to me if I fought against him would probably end up weighing in at an improvement.

"I'm nothing _with_ you Jake! I know it, you know it, everyone knows it! So stop acting like you're not wasting you're time with me and actually getting anywhere with making me a decent human being and just get out!"

"You'll be sorry, I'm the best fucking thing that ever happened to you and you're just throwing me away! You'll be so fucking sorry Isabella Swan," he threatened darkly then turned and left the room.

I was trembling, I had been for a while and was only just noticing it. I felt sick, my mouth was dry and I collapsed on my bed in tears. Not sad tears or tears of regret, but tears of relief and belated fear. I felt so much lighter now that I was free from Jacob.

After a long and exhausting crying fit I was eventually able to feel some semblance of normal. I felt tired, hungry and slightly cold, but I didn't feel my usual burdens weighing so heavily on my shoulders any more, maybe it really was Jacob holding me down.

I slowly and lethargically got ready for bed, dragging my feet as I moved from one side of the room to the other. Feeling my leaden limbs as I tried to change for bed. As soon as I tugged my pyjama top over my head I collapsed back onto my bed. I struggled with the quilt for a longer time than necessary as I tried to squirm under it while staying horizontal on my back.

I eventually fell into sleep sinking into my soft pillows and mattress. For once I felt a seed of optimism for the coming morning, it was the first time I had felt that in over a year. It may have been just one measly year that I was enduring this misery, but it felt like an eternity, my days of happiness and contentment seemed like they belonged to another life. I suppose remembering it only made me miss it more, crave it more.

My first night without the worry of Jacob sneaking up on me hanging over my head like a dark cloud – with thunder and lightening and plenty of rain – was heavenly. Truly it was. I could carry on fine without him, what had I even needed him for? Safety? Well, _that _never happened, I was safer the further away I was from him! Companionship? Yeah, if I enjoyed being constantly reminded of my _many_ flaws. Possibly physical gratification? I don't think there's anyone _anywhere_ that would enjoy regular beatings and being drugged just so they don't protest when their supposed _boyfriend_ gets way too intimate.

I could tell things were going to start looking up as dreamed of a distant life, one that was familiar and yet so foreign to me... I hated how weird it felt to live happily, even in dreams.

The morning came cold and grey, I looked out my window to the steely sky and groaned at the promised rain. The heavy clouds seemed to press on me, not in a way to make me feel weighed down, but in a comforting way, like a blanket, making me feel warm – well, as warm as anyone could get in Forks – and safe. I stumbled down the stairs in my usual fashion to make myself a bowl of cereal, I poured the flakes into the bowl and stopped automatically when there was about a fistful of food in the bottom, then hesitated as I went to put the cereal away. He doesn't control me now, I can eat what ever I like! I was so tired of being hungry all the time. So I poured myself more and added milk. When I finished the bowl I felt stuffed, I almost thought there was something wrong with me the way my stomach was reacting, but dim memories of before my sixteenth birthday floated back to me telling me that it was perfectly natural to feel this way and the only thing that would cure it was time.

I made it out to my rusted truck and groaned again at the pitiful speed to which it was reduced by its failing engine. When I first saw it, I had immediately fallen in love with it, it was sturdy, it was a classic and it had character. Now I could see that it was slow, falling apart and held too many unpleasant memories for me to face in the morning – or at any time really, the whole _"_new start" thing I had going on wasn't really faring that well under they waves of memories and the emotions they brought with them.

My day was typical, people avoided me like the plague – or AIDS – and cast disdainful glares and whispers my way. I realised how naïve my optimism had been last night, I was still on a high from standing up to Jacob, of course I was bound to feel a little more invincible than I actually was. Then I recognised once again the foolishness of hoping. People never change, things never change, they obviously believed me incapable of change. My mood turned bitter as I walked into my first lesson, how could I have been so stupid as to think things were going to change? What had I even expected to happen? I obviously must have expected _something_ for it to cause all this disappointment.

I trudged through all my lessons, reverting back to the me that I had been just a week ago. The whore who was so disgusting she even contaminated the air around her. It seemed to be a well known fact in this school that the sphere of air around me for at least three feet was dangerous to innocents. God, just kill me now!

I grinned when I saw Edward still sitting in the space next to mine when I entered biology, the smile came naturally, but as soon as my expression had changed, my face felt weird, I was using muscles I hadn't used in ages. Edward grinned back at me, but then his smile faltered as his eyes roamed over my face, I'm guessing in reaction to the huge bruise that was developing on my cheekbone.

I tripped twice as I walked to my seat. First, one little stumble by the door, then – even with my eyes cast downwards ans a flushing face – I managed to trip next to my desk. This time I was certain I was going to hit the floor as I flinched in anticipation of the impact. Instead two strong arms caught me. I slowly opened my eyes to see the floor barely a foot away from my face. Then I was being set on my feet, and I finally – hesitantly – looked up to see Edward standing over me looking concerned.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, only mortally embarrassed. Thanks," my eyes shifted to his seat on the other side of the desk, "wow, you're really fast," I commented.

"Er, yeah, it runs in the family," he ran his hand through his hair and I quickly sat down to save both of us from the awkwardness. It didn't take long for the awkwardness to dissipate as we sat there working through the lab together and for the first time in my life I actually wished a lesson would last longer.

After school I drove straight to the shops looking for a deadbolt. Jacob still had a key, and although I had stood up to him yesterday, I was still scared stiff of him, I just wasn't brave enough to face him again. I brought three deadbolts at the shop, one for the front door, one for the back door, and one for my bedroom. I wanted to be safe in my house and Jacob had proven himself crazy enough over the years to actually do something drastic about me dumping him.

* * *

**A/N – **I am sooooooo sorry for the lateness and also for not shouting out to people who reviewed last time so...

thankyouuuuu to all these lovely people! (in the order they appeared on the screen)

Hanna Spanna

fallenraven12

Cina

carliecullenx

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Ghostwriter626

firefox

Th Ghst f Slss Frnc

phantomessangel

cb

hogfan

TwilighterMindBodyAndSoul

Sara Lautner

Elmo-.'BiteMe'.-Cullen

jtjjk

bnmugk,

your a special kind of stupid

Nico Rocks

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futurecullen11

JB'SBABY

'If U Hate It-Bite Me'

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SErinS

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – company **

**Edward's pov**

The criminal that had broken into Bella's house and left her for dead had about a 0.5% chance of surviving the night when I left the hospital. However a considerable amount of time had elapsed and I was sure he would have fled Forks by now, let alone the crime scene. I cursed myself for not paying attention to the thoughts emanating from the shower upstairs.

It was probably a blessing in disguise, I knew if I found him, I would end up killing him, and if I ended up killing him, then what was the point of all my years of self-discipline, denying myself the thing my body longed for most, and the thing that would corrupt _me_ the most.

So instead of making a detour to the other side of Forks, I went straight home. It had taken an enormous amount of effort not to seek out Bella's attacker, and the temptation didn't really lessen when I got home. I was tense as I stepped through the door, Esme noticed immediately as she saw me that something was wrong.

"What's the matter Edward?" I could hear the concern in her voice and her mind.

I sighed and recounted the story, trying to remain as calm as possible and skimming over some of the more unpleasant parts – that certainly wouldn't help me being calm. I could still feel my blood boiling, it would have infuriated me seeing anyone left for dead like that, but somehow this was more intense. It was hard to keep perspective and realise that killing the monster who did this _wasn't _a good idea. Instead I concentrated on Bella, once I did that, it was easy to block all other thoughts from my mind, even ones of revenge and vindication.

Damn, I had only known her a day, even less that that really, since our interactions had been limited to me scaring her half to death in biology and then carrying her unconscious form to the hospital... I let my mind wonder over her broken fragility and utter... lifelessness for only a moment before forcing myself to remembering what she looked like in the class room, embarrassed, at least that was something normal in a teenager... nothing to worry about.

I heard Esme sympathising with me, being surrounded by blood, the overwhelming temptation, but she had already noticed my still golden eyes and was proud that I resisted. It was true that I had felt the dry burn in my throat, but I hadn't been overly aware of the desire that usually accompanied it, I had been more focused on other things. I almost felt guilty for convincing Esme that I had overcome my bloodlust in a huge struggle to help the girl, Bella – but then I thought that it had been a huge struggle to restrain myself from chasing after the monster who did that to Bella. I was instantly repulsed by the thought of anyone being capable of such a heinous crime that it overrode my vampire instincts.

It was a miracle. For years I had been hating my body's reaction to blood, I had spent years denying myself the very thing that my body craved the most, yet now the solution was simply... distraction. Ok, maybe it's a little more complicated than that, but essentially, it was just thinking about something more important. How anticlimactic. I felt almost cheated that I worked for complete control for a hundred years and all it took was one girl to be violently attacked... all it took? What was I thinking? Getting beaten up like that is no small matter! She seemed to exude vulnerability form every pore, I could see her fragility in all her movements. It was like she was a precious gem, beautiful, but frighteningly breakable, you automatically wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and lock her in a glass cabinet, just so you could ensure her safety. Even if I was human I would gladly take a bullet for her. I suppose being a vampire had its advantages in being able to take a bullet for her and carry her away from danger at the same time.

Whoa, getting a little ahead of yourself there Cullen? But it was true that I would not allow her to spill one drop of blood, not only to stop me from... being overwhelmed, but she should not be harmed, and it was a cruel injustice what happened tonight.

I sighed and went to the piano, I hadn't played in a while and I needed to relax. I chose a nice calming piece and felt the tension leave surprisingly quickly. I revelled in the notes swirling around me, each pure chord combining with another in a sweet melody that would be enough to lull any human to sleep. I lost myself playing piece after piece, how I had missed playing. The few weeks I hadn't touched the piano suddenly seemed much longer but at the same time, like only a day had passed – I put that one down to my perfect memory.

My fingers flew over the familiar keys, following familiar patterns, creating familiar melodies. No-one tried to bother me and I let everything in the background fade until it was almost gone. I had no concept of time in my own world, I played through the night and was surprised to find that the sun was about to rise.

I didn't particularly want to, but I left the piano and made my way to my room and got changed for school.

I passed Carlisle on the way back down the stairs, "Are you ok Edward? Was the hospital a bit much with all the blood around?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine... do you think I could maybe visit Bella at some point?" I asked hesitantly, not sure if he would approve of the vampire visiting the weak human.

Carlisle smiled and nodded, "it should be fine, it might be best to wait a while for her to adjust and come to terms with what happened though, that was an extremely brutal beating she took before you fond her, it might be better for her to see a familiar face first."

"Cool," I said, then sighed when I heard Alice's impatience, "I better get going or else I'll definitely hear about it from Alice.

Carlisle laughed and continued up the stairs, recoiling from the mental image of Alice in one of her tirades – no-one liked to get on Alice's bad side, we may be indestructible, but you tend to forget about trivial little facts like that when faced with an enraged Alice.

I quickly ran down the stairs, leapt into the car and sped to school. During the drive I tried to mentally prepare myself for the worst kind of boredom invented – high school... for the fifteenth time.

I sometimes wondered how I didn't go crazy, being told the same thing over and over, especially when it was boring enough the first time round. But I had an advantage, I could let my mind wonder, I could be far away and the teachers wouldn't know, if they asked me a question I would simply pull the answer from their head and repeat it to them, sometimes editing the words a little for more complex answers. In classes I shared with my family, the boredom wasn't such a problem, I could carry a conversation with them easily completely unbeknownst to the teacher – all through the class, still pulling the same trick if a teacher called on us, I could always whisper the answer to my brother or sister if they were caught off-guard.

When Carlisle got back from the hospital that night, he told me that Bella had woken up but had had no visitors yet. It didn't make sense, where was her father? Where was her mother? Her friends? I knew there was a possibility that she had few friends and was being bullied in school, but surely her family would come visit her at least? I felt as if I was missing something, something vital, and once I knew that, then everything would fall into place.

I was eager to visit Bella. That was an understatement, but it captured the essence of what I was feeling pretty well.

The next day I learned she had a visit from her boyfriend, the information stung when it had no right to. I had met Bella for only one day, of course she had a life before I got here, and I couldn't deny her that, even if I did want to – I admit a part of me did want to push him aside so she would choose me. But this meant I could see her now, and I couldn't be disappointed in anything for long.

I assured Carlisle I would come to the hospital then. Immediately after I hung up the phone I was in my car. Then I forced myself to take a deep breath and slow down, the last time she had seen me she had run away crying, she had been terrified of me. I drove to the hospital slowly – for me – and solemnly, contemplating how to leave her with a better impression of me, how to ease her fear. By the time I arrived at the hospital I had settled for cautious friendliness; peaceful and calming.

I got to the hospital and met Carlisle near Bella's door, _let me introduce you to her, she seemed upset when her visitor left,_ I nodded as he knocked on the door and announced my presence.

I cautiously entered the room, her survival instincts were probably telling her to run as fast as she possibly could in the opposite direction, like that would do any good if I were hunting her. But I made my way slowly to the chair beside her bed with a small smile on my face, a friendly gesture without showing my teeth – the weapons she would be most afraid of. They were the weapons she _should_ be afraid of most this minute, I thought as my mouth watered, now that she was physically OK, I had much less of a distraction from her blood, and it smelled good.

"Er, hi," her high pitched voice betrayed her nervousness, I hated that she had to be afraid of me when she was already upset.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" I asked, concerned, she wasn't so paralysed by fear that she couldn't talk, maybe my human actions could make her feel more comfortable.

"Umm... I'm fine. Thank you... for, you know... bringing me here," she was stammering, she was still to scared to be able to talk fluently, in that moment I hated myself, for making her so scared she couldn't talk, for being such a monster that she _should_ be scared... for being so cold and inhuman that even after this time to adjust her fear hadn't gone down, like it had with Carlisle. She was thanking me out of pure politeness and obligation, nothing more.

"Think of it as my way of apologising," I said, maybe I could still salvage something by at least apologising.

She looked taken aback, "for what?"

What did she think I was talking about? "for whatever I did that made you run off crying on Monday," I kept my voice soft to show her there was no danger, I hadn't thought I was coming off overly... threatening, but apparently I had.

The look of shock was still plastered across her face, "huh? Oh, no that wasn't you, that was just... me being emotional... why do you care so much anyway? I mean, you don't even know me."

I didn't terrify her? I was momentarily both confused and elated, but then her last words broke through the haze, "No, I don't know you, but maybe I would like to? I mean I was... just walking down the street, exploring the new town if you will, then I heard your scream," I shuddered at the memory and looked down, I found the words pouring out of my mouth, the utter truth "I couldn't just _not_ do anything, and before I knew it I was through your open door and there you were laying on the carpet in a pool of blood..."

There was an awkward silence after I gave her a glimpse or my soul, I noticed her reach for a glass of water and handed it to her without thinking, I momentarily cringed waiting for her fear to strike again, although she had assured me I hadn't terrified her the first day, she had to have some instinctual reservations about me. To my utter surprise, she took no notice of my proximity to her, instead she mumbled a thank you and sipped her drink. I was perplexed to say the least, she couldn't be that comfortable around me yet... or was she just hiding her nervousness?

Another silence that became slightly awkward, "So...how has your first few days in forks been so far?"

I felt bad that she felt she had to break the silence all the time, but I couldn't really think of anything to say, even when I was human I wasn't that much of a conversationalist, "Not great," was my lame answer.

"Yeah, I think forks actually steals rain from other places like Phoenix," she replied completely misunderstanding my meaning.

I laughed, "maybe it does but I don't mind the rain."

"You like the rain?" she asked me doubtfully, "well I guess it kinda makes sense you moving _here_, but still, why do you like the rain?"

"It's kinda hard to explain, but if you've ever been in a forest in the rain, listening to the sounds of the raindrops hit the leaves and just nature enjoying the rain... that you'll understand," again I was bearing a small part of my soul to her... well you know what I mean, she was the first I told the magic of the forest in the rain to, sure her human senses wouldn't be able to appreciate it as much as mine... but the magic was still undeniable.

I told Bella about my parents, that we were all lucky to be "adopted" by them, until I heard a nurse approaching, I had lost track of time. I couldn't hold back my sigh as she approached, thoughts of both Carlisle – which I would rather not be subjected to _ever_ again – and pain medication.

I left the strange girl with the silent mind with a polite goodbye, still concerned about her. A strange expression had crossed her face as I left the room, I pretended not to notice it but I did, and I was again, perplexed by it, by her.

It struck me as strange that nobody at school noticed she wasn't there, I thought maybe the reason she had only had one visitor was because her friends didn't know about her being admitted to hospital yet, maybe I could ease their worry and tell them what had happened. But no-one seemed to be aware of her absence. I hadn't wanted to believe she was bullied by _everyone_ in school, but that seemed to be the case. It was unacceptable, but I was at a loss as to what to do about it, the only thing I could really offer was mine and Alice's friendship... and probably Emmett's but I was unsure of Rosalie and jasper might find it difficult to be around her. I know Esme will like her and Carlisle already does... it depressed me that the only friends she would have were vampires.

I visited her again throughout the week – a lot throughout the week, it was verging on suspicious the amount of time I spent at the hospital, but her nervous demeanour had disappeared quickly and I liked to think we were friends now. I knew Carlisle was worried about her from her brief time of consciousness where he asked her what happened, and he seemed to be encouraging my friendship with her. I wasn't complaining.

I drove her home on Sunday, eager for the coming Monday. I drove quickly to my house, everyone was hunting tonight, it had been a while since we had all gone hunting together and I used it as a chance relish in my family's company. Not that I disliked Bella's company in any way, but she was a human with extremely sweet blood, even though I had been around her scent a lot with my hospital visits, she was still a temptation.

Alice was happy that Bella was out of the hospital, she had seen them as friends and couldn't wait to really get to know her. However, Rosalie thought I had been spending too much time at the hospital and Esme wanted to hear me play some more. I promised both myself and her that I would once we got back. Emmett was itching to challenge jasper to a wrestling match – a _real_ one – when Esme wasn't within earshot, while Jasper had an inkling of what was going on with Emmett and was staying relatively close to Esme, and Carlisle was... relaxed. He was just enjoying the hunt, and I found myself joining him.

"Thank you Edward, for making Bella feel comfortable, she was very agitated and nervous until you came to see her last Monday," Carlisle spoke when everyone else was distracted.

"It's nothing," I assured him, and truly it took no effort on my part, in fact, sometimes it took more effort to stay away from her.

"You two seem to have become quite close," he observed.

I shrugged, "She's very easy to like, almost like a breath of fresh air, she's not like everyone else."

Carlisle's focus switched to the hunt as we came across the scent of some deer, _shall we?_ I nodded and we both stalked forward to catch the animals.

True to my word – or thought – I played the piano when we got home, I played happy pieces and they seemed to fit everyone's mood – which in itself is a good thing, a house of seven unhappy vampires is not a pretty sight. The rest of the night passed quickly and in the morning I realised Bella _was_ in fact bullied by everyone in the school.

I watched as Bella slowly became more withdrawn and depressed over the morning... until she got to biology. The first thing I noticed the the huge grin that spread over her face as soon as our eyes met, and I couldn't help but grin back... until I saw the bruise on her cheekbone. No-one else had noticed this morning, did they not pay attention or was this a common occurrence?

The first time she stumbled I realised it could be a bit of both. I had seen her trip a few times already this morning and deduced she was accident prone, of course she was bound to get bruises pretty regularly if she was that clumsy. She tripped again just in front of out desk and would have ploughed face-first if I hadn't caught her. As soon as she looked up to me and I was sure she was alright, I set her on her feet, her heat and her smell was triggering a small burn in my throat and I wanted to be able to survive the hour – correction, I wanted _Bella_ to survive the hour.

The rest of the school day passed without incident, until Alice was in the car. I was halfway home when scenes of Bella buying deadbolts assaulted my mind, making my heart clench for her, of course no-one goes through a traumatic experience like she did and isn't affected afterwards. I should've volunteered to take her yesterday if she felt unsafe in her home, it was likely that she hadn't had a decent nights sleep because of this. Then the scene changed to Bella almost taking her thumb off trying to install the deadbolt. It would have been funny if it wasn't going to happen for real.

"I think you may have to go over there and help her," Alice said, while watching for any more accidents that could do more permanent damage.

"I agree with you, at the rate she's going she wont have a hand by tomorrow," I replied calm for the moment as I still had time before anything major happened.

I dropped my family off at home then proceeded to the shop, a chance meeting would be a lot less suspicious than me just turning up at her home. I met her at the check out, she was just packing her bag as I walked past. I stopped and tried to make my tone mildly surprised when I spoke.

"Bella, hey."

"Hey," she looked up at me then her face turned playfully suspicious, "are you stalking me or something?"

Yes. "I assure you I'm not, it must be fate or something always bringing us together," I retorted, keeping up her playful tone, before turning curious and unnecessarily asking what she had brought.

She shrugged and looked down at her bag suddenly self-conscious, "well, I just thought... after the break-in... more security?"

I could see why she was self-conscious, Forks was a small town and the next-to-nothing crime-rate didn't warrant the need for a deadbolt, she would come across as being paranoid, " do you want some help with them?"

"Oh you don't have to do that for me -" but I cut her off.

"Don't worry about it Bella, I honestly don't mind helping," I told her.

She paused for a second before shrugging and saying, "ok."

So, I followed her to her house and helped her install the three deadbolts. There were less awkward pauses while we were busy and we grew more comfortable with our friendship, it wasn't that the friendship wasn't good and natural... it was just new, and we needed to give it time to grow.

"If you ever need any help with anything else, just say the word and I'll be here," as I stood in her front-doorway.

"Oh, so now you're a stalker _and _a handyman."

"It's only called stalking if I'm trying to be secretive... and I haven't done very well with that part so far. Oh, it would probably help if you had my mobile number."

"Sure," she said then pulled out her mobile and handed it to me to enter my number into.

We said goodnight and I drove back home, I hadn't noticed the time, it wasn't overly late, but a lot later than I thought. I cringed remembering that Bella hadn't eaten when I was there and I had been keeping her from her dinner, but she would probably be eating something by the time I arrived back home so I wasn't too worried – except she was so skinny...

I frowned, her figure was verging on unhealthy, not enough to cause concern yet, but much thinner and she would practically be a walking skeleton. My thoughts still lingered on Bella's weight as I entered the house but I was interrupted by Emmett. As soon as he heard me arrive, he ran to meet me, not hiding his intentions whatsoever, but asked me anyway if I wanted to play baseball.

I shrugged, "sure, why not?"

**A/N- **shall we see if we can get to 60 reviews? please make my day and review! =]


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – good day**

**Bella's pov**

After Edward gave me his phone number and I had said goodbye to him, I realised I hadn't eaten yet. I guess I had just become too accustomed to the feeling like my stomach was eating itself from the inside out to notice any more. I felt my hatred for Jacob flare more intensely than before in that moment, I had been forced to endure things that I shouldn't have almost constantly.

No. Thinking about that would only make me depressed, and that part of my life is officially over, and good riddance. I walked into the kitchen ready to eat a decent meal at last, then stopped short as I was suddenly overwhelmed by my choices, I could have absolutely _anything_ I wanted! I felt a wide grin spread over face for the third time that day – that was officially three times more in one day than the last year, maybe my optimism hadn't _totally_ been in vain – and I actually jumped up and down in excitement before rushing to the cupboards. I pulled out pasta and meatballs – that wouldn't take long – then started hunting cheese to grate on the top.

Fifteen minutes later I was sat on the settee, about to take my first bite of a proper meal in over a year. I would have photographed this moment and captioned it as a monumental step in my new life... if it wasn't for the fact that the moment really wasn't _that_ monumental. I brought my fork to my mouth and as my lips closed over the meatball and the food touched my tongue I tasted... heaven. It was warm meaty heaven, it promised to fill my stomach and satisfy my taste buds like they'd never been satisfied before. How had I gone without this for over a year? I was nearly eighteen and I could hardly remember the taste of a decent meal, or the feeling of being full. I moaned at the pleasure of the taste and also the thought that there was more to come, I really hadn't enjoyed the food that Jacob had made me eat.

The plate wasn't even half empty before I was full, I looked at my plate in longing, I wanted so badly to eat more – even if it was just for the taste – but my stomach was sending urgent messages, threatening to blow up if I forced any more food down my throat. I sighed realising that my stomach was a lot smaller than a normal person's and leaned forward to rest my plate on the coffee table.

I huffed as leant forward and again as I sat back against the back of the sofa, note to self: being this full is just plain uncomfortable, really not worth it – whatever "it" is, maybe the taste? I sat with my eyes closed adjusting to my full belly, before I quickly got up, grabbed my plate and shuffled my way over to the kitchen hunched over like a little granny, all that was missing was a zimmer-frame.

I tried to wash up and get ready for bed as quickly as I could without straining my stomach and once I was finished I fell asleep almost instantly. It had just turned dark, the last golden light was still hovering in the sky, reluctant to leave, when I heard the drunken stumbling of my dad trying to ascend the stairs. I waited until I heard the door to his bedroom slam shut before tiptoeing down the stairs to bolt the front door. I was relieved I no longer felt uncomfortably full and as I crept downstairs I moved slowly and with extreme caution as I tried to keep my existence in this house to the back of my dad's mind.

I slid the bolt home easily, only just hearing the quiet scraping of metal on metal in the silence. I ungracefully – but still, somehow, relatively quietly – stole up the stairs and into my room. I could hear my dad stumbling around in his room and then his bedsprings squeaking loudly as he collapsed onto his mattress. It pained me how he became a drunk – thank god it was only in the evenings when he was at home when he was drunk – but it was because of me. It was because of Jacob. It was Jacob and his stupid thug friends.

I slid into bed after bolting my door again – it was amazing the sense of safety just a little bar of metal could bring – and listened to the quiet night for a few minutes as I tried to get back to sleep.

Just as I was dozing off I started awake to a loud banging on the front door, it broke off to a rattling but then the banging started again. Someone was trying to get in, the raucous banging alternating with the intent rattling, the volume and persistence of both filling me with anxiety. I climbed out of bed and crawled over to the window, I twitched the curtains out of my way just enough to see there was no-one standing on the street past the front garden.

"Bella! Open up you slut!" I heard Jacob's voice slam into me with too much force for the volume.

I may have stood up to Jacob last night but that didn't mean I was ready to face him again today, it didn't mean I was suddenly no longer afraid of him – not yet anyway. I twisted so my back was against the wall and drew my legs up so I was hugging them. I lost track of time as I sat there, listening to Jacob's voice threatening, insulting, degrading me, accompanied by more banging and crashing and the penetrating screeching of metal being abused. I tried not to imagine what he was doing outside, I forced my mind to go completely blank, I was hearing the noises outside, I was feeling my muscles cramp up and my legs fall asleep, but it didn't matter to me, it was there but inconsequential, I didn't pay these sensations any attention.

The banging eventually stopped... or I fell asleep. Either way, first there was was banging, then I suddenly noticed there wasn't, was just total silence. I was stiff from my long time sitting huddled up on the floor and I slithered back under my sheets to hide until morning. I didn't dare look outside or even glance at the window, I was half afraid Jacob would catch me... and then the beatings would start. I cowered in my bed until I was asleep again.

The next morning I woke up to the persistent beeping of my shrill alarm. I mechanically got up and dressed, my brain going on strike, refusing to work this early in the morning. However, my brain kicked into gear when I reached for the muesli, I froze, considering: I could have anything I wanted now! I quickly shut the cupboard door and turned to the fridge for ingredients for a full English; eggs, bacon, sausages, baked beans, fried bread and a hash brown... glorious!

I devoured my food as if there was no tomorrow, I hadn't been feeling too good from my lack of sleep but now that I was full the feeling had started to ebb. I felt energised and fresh... and – moderately – happy.

At least until I stepped out the door and my eyes fell to my truck... if it could still be called a truck. On the driveway sat a twisted lump of rusted metal, barely recognisable as any form of transport, the contorted bonnet lay on the floor amidst shards of broken glass littering the drive just feet away from where I stood. My truck had been so maimed so much that I was sure that absolutely nothing could be done to save it.

I stood there gaping at the sad, distorted metal, formerly known as my truck. It was the one possession that hadn't been completely tainted by Jacob, and now... it was, it was ruined, he turned it into a wreck. Did he know how much the truck meant to me? I'm sure my reverence for it had been obvious, but then again, I wasn't exactly noticeable – don't get me wrong, it was a good thing, but if he did this on purpose...

My legs fell weak and started trembling, so I lowered myself slowly to sit on the doorstep, still not able to take my eyes off the... _wreck._ The cold of the hard concrete oozed though my jeans and seeped to my bones in the early grey light that was too weak to warm anything up, until I was shivering – which didn't exactly take long.

When my brain had once again regained the capacity to think, my first thought was, _what the hell am I supposed to do now?_ I couldn't see anyway where I would be able to get to school today, or any time this week or ever for that matter. I pulled at my hair, fisting my hands in my roots as I continued to stare, I hadn't blinked to my eyes were watering and forming icy trails down my cheeks. Winter was setting in and I had no truck to take me safely – and warmly – to and from school.

Then it occurred to me, fast as lightening. I jumped and straightened in my seat as if I had in fact been shocked my electricity. I dug into my pocket for my phone, my fingers fumbling painfully with the rough material in the cold. I pulled it out, found Edward's name in contacts and pressed the button. I waited through only two rings, nervous and embarrassed before he picked up. Would he mind driving the school slut to school? Everyone would stare and whisper, there would be rumours spreading like wildfire, how could he not be angry at me for inflicting _that_ upon him? But I was too late to back out now as he picked his phone up.

"Bella? Is something wrong?" he sounded concerned and my nervousness eased slightly, but unfortunately not my embarrassment so much.

"Er, yeah, I'm fine... could I get a lift please? My truck... kinda... died? I mean, it's not... working, and I'll probably never drive it again..." I trailed off awkwardly, strangely unable to explain what Jacob did.

They were so different, like blackest night and brightest day, everything about them contrasted: Jacob's dark skin against Edward's pale colouring; their personalities were polar opposites; even their eyes – the eyes are the window to the soul, so they say – Jacob's soul was definitely black, like an endless pit of pain and evil, like two burning coals set in his angered eyes. But Edward's eyes were golden, they had only held kindness and concern for me... yeah, do I really need to say anything else?

"Sure... do you know what happened?"

"I have a fairly good idea."

He chuckled at my nonchalant answer even if I had a dazed tone, "Ok, I'll see you in about five minutes?"

"Ok," I agreed quickly.

I hung up and finally blinked, sending more tears down my cheeks that had been gathering in my eyes. My truck was gone... Maybe I was overreacting, but I had been _really_ attached to my truck, it had been my sole source of comfort and happiness through my darkest time, almost like my only friend, I had been one step short of naming it... Actually that was a lie, I suppose it was called Truck, that's what I used to say when I would rant and mumble on at it driving to and from school.

I finally tore my eyes away from the mangled lump of metal and looked to the street just as I heard his silver Volvo pull up. He got out the car staring at my now pathetic excuse for transportation and my eyes found their way back to my truck too.

In a flash he was beside me, "Bella, are you alright? Are you ok?" he asked frantically as tucked my hair behind my ears and pulled my face to his. His eyes searching mine for god knows what, probably to see if I was going into shock before roaming my body, looking for physical injuries... well he wouldn't find any _this_ time.

The tears flowed freely then, Edward was too nice to me, Jacob was a demon terrifying me and my truck was destroyed beyond all repair – and most recognition. Edward sat down beside me and held me gently as I sobbed into his shoulder, tearfully trying to explain my extreme reaction. Edward probably knew I had no friends, it wasn't that hard to miss, and I told him that my truck had been the one thing that had brought me some measure of comfort. He didn't say anything, he just held me, like he understood. He wasn't judging me, he wasn't telling me how pathetic I was being and telling me to get over it. He was holding me and letting me ramble on and get everything out of my system.

It was about ten minutes before I was composed again, and by that time I had grown _really _uncomfortable, I'm sure he had to be too, but he didn't say anything. The sniffling gradually stopped after the tears and the sobs, my breathing eventually evened out and I felt much better.

"Do you know who did this?" he asked in a low voice, it was soft but I could tell he meant business.

I just shook my head, I was a terrible liar and, well... you couldn't really go wrong when you had a valid excuse for not meeting their eyes and when words weren't involved. Edward didn't react, or if he did, I couldn't see it. My gaze fell on my twisted truck, why had I lied again? Why was I protecting Jacob? He didn't need it, or if he did, then he definitely didn't deserve it. I owed him nothing, he owed me my life, my friends, my _family_... and now my truck.

A few seconds later I hard Edward's smooth voice quietly in my ear again, "Do you want to go inside?"

I frowned in confusion, "But... what about school?"

"Well, school's actually started already... plus I don't really think you're up to it today, do you?" he squeezed my shoulders gently, "How about we go inside and get you a nice big mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows?"

I liked the sound of that, "With chocolate sprinkles", I agreed, nodding.

We stood and made our way back inside the house, Edward never let go of me until it was clear we wouldn't be able to get through the door side by side. Edward then sat me down and went into the kitchen and put the kettle on as he searched through my cupboards for the hot chocolate, and the marshmallows.

I could feel myself starting to warm up in the house and in no time I was taking my coat and boots off, and not long after that Edward came in and handed me the biggest mug Charlie owned with marshmallows and whipped cream almost spilling over the top and with a generous helping of sprinkles to add to that. He handed me the mug and watched as I blew, then carefully sipped the delicious drink he gave me, I could feel the pure gold running smoothly down my throat and hitting my belly to spread the heat throughout my body.

"Is that ok? I'm not sure if I put enough milk in it..."

"Mmmmm... it's perfect, you got the milk exactly right Edward," I assured him with a small smile, it was the biggest I could muster after my shock and grief just five minutes ago.

He smiled at me and waited patiently for me to drink my hot chocolate, politely refusing any offers I made him... for a drink or some food. He claimed he was still full from breakfast. He kept his eyes on me as I drank, had I not been used to Jacob's scrutiny as I ate, it might have made me more uncomfortable. But Edward was just watching me drink, not assessing whether I had too much to eat or if I was trying to sneak more food down me.

"Feeling better?" he asked brightly as I set the hot chocolate mug on the coffee table.

"Much."

"Good. So... what do you want to do? We could watch a film, or... go out somewhere, or... I dunno, just sit and talk maybe?"

"Ugh, lets do something, sitting and talking would just remind me too much of my most recent stay in hospital," I almost whined.

Edward told me to wrap up warm, he insisted I wear a hat, gloves and a scarf, he was particularly insistent on the scarf. I even added an extra layer under my coat for him. Once he was satisfied there wasn't even a chance that I would get remotely cold while outside, he nodded to himself, opened the door and just stood there gazing at me expectantly... like I was supposed to do something. It took me a whole minute and a fairly obvious gesture from Edward for me to comprehend that he was waiting for me to walk out the door first.

I blushed heavily and hastily walked through the door and down the drive towards his car. Suddenly he was there opening the passenger door for me – I blushed when he looked at me, cocking an eyebrow and I got in the car without hesitation – unlike last time, but I still blushed.

"So... where are we going?" I asked Edward as soon as he got into the drivers side of his car.

"It's a surprise," he replied cryptically.

I was instantly nervous, past experience told me surprises were always a bad thing – to be avoided like the plague. After a while Jacob stopped telling me anything, always claiming it was a "surprise" just to watch me squirm and work myself up – I tried not to give him the satisfaction, but I couldn't help it, I always knew, as soon as that word was out of his mouth, that something especially bad was coming...

Edward glanced at me worriedly, "Hey, are you ok?"

"I hate surprises," I gasped through my hyperventilating.

He looked at me concerned, obviously worried about my extreme reaction, probably wondering if my surprising me was the best course of action after all, "It's ok, its a nice surprise, I promise. I just found a nice meadow that was really peaceful one day... I just thought you might like it," he finished softly and I immediately felt bed for hurting his feelings.

"I'm so sorry!" I tried to apologise, "its just... I haven't had many nice surprises, so I just automatically panic whenever I hear the word now," I finished in a rush, why was I telling him this again? Where was the filter that is usually somewhere between the brain and the mouth on normal people?

Edward looked appalled for a few seconds, then his face shifted to determined, "This is going to be a good day Bella, I promise."

his voice held such conviction, I couldn't possibly doubt him, I felt myself tearing up again, my emotions were all over the place when I was with Edward, I had gone from happy, to panicked, to emotional in the space of a minute... and then trust. Somehow I knew today was going to be a good day, I just felt it. Now all I had to do was stop panicking...

we pulled up on the side of the road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Edward got out the car and met me halfway as I was opening my door, he helped me out the car and led the way the woods. I hesitated nervously at the edge of the woods, reluctant go in where I would probably end up tripping my way to an early grave. I had never really been suicidal, even though plenty of times I had realised just how much easier it would be to go to sleep and never wake up again to deal with the shit that faced me everyday... but I had always been too scared.

Edward stopped almost as soon as I did, "Are you ok?" he asked taking a step back to me.

"Erm... I don't think me going in there is the safest option."

He frowned in confusion, "Animals don't usually come this close to town Bella its fine."

I'm not worried about that, more likely I'll trip over and die from loss of blood before an ambulance can get to me," I explained, noticing how his expression switched to one of dread as soon as I mentioned the word "blood", maybe he has the same problem as me with blood.

"Oh, well if that's all you're worried about..." he trailed off looking at me speculatively, then a light bulb flashed above his head, "piggyback?"

I nodded and he turned around and crouched, ready for me to jump on. After a moment's hesitation, I was on his back and suddenly having doubts.

"Are you sure you can carry me the _whole_ way?" I asked as he set off confidently.

"Absolutely, you weigh nothing Bella."

To my utter amazement, he actually did it. He walked five miles over gnarled roots and uneven ground, without putting a foot wrong or even loosening his grip on me, _not once!_ Well, he told me it was five miles, but I wasn't sure I believed that, surely it would've taken longer than that to walk five miles? Especially while carrying someone? But even so, he was fast, he was strong and he was incredibly graceful and sure footed. I also knew he was smart and funny from my most recent stay in hospital. Was he for real? Was there anything he couldn't do?He stopped just in front of a gap in the trees, which, presumably led to the meadow he was talking about in the car, and set me gently on my feet.

I stepped forward slowly, the frosty grass crunching underneath my feet as I walked. The altitude of the meadow meant it was much colder here and I could see my breath billowing out from my mouth and nose in the clean, crisp air. It was so fresh up here, it was completely natural and raw, completely untouched by man, completely breathtaking.

My breath stopped as I took in the view, each blade of grass, each leaf, every detail, was lined with white frost. The overcast sky and terrible weather didn't matter, the scene was utterly beautiful. I staggered a few steps forward, towards the centre of the meadow and turned slowly, taking in everything I could before I stopped at the figure a couple of feet away from me grinning from ear to ear.

He seemed to fit right in here, his pale skin matching the frost, which had somehow managed to fall onto his hair and grey coat quite thickly. He complimented the view rather than ruined it, as I'm sure any other person would. And not just because every other person I knew hated me, but because the meadow had such a magical, wintry beauty, which Edward just seemed to fit right into, while everyone else would just look out of place, a splodge of dark colour against the pale greens and browns created by the frost. It was a winter-wonderland... just without the snow and the elves, instead I had my best friend Edward, who saved my life, doesn't think I'm a complete slut, and who I might be developing a small crush on – if my inner monologue is anything to go by...

"Wow," I breathed, not completely sure whether I was talking about the meadow or Edward, maybe I was talking about both?

"I guess that means it was a nice surprise then?" he raised an eyebrow playfully at me while still beaming like there was no tomorrow.

I nodded, "Thank you, this is... wonderful," I said softly and shyly, without breaking eye contact.

He walked over to me, "Do you want to sit down?" he asked me just as softly.

"I'll get all wet and cold sitting on this frost," I protested.

"No problem," he said brightly before sitting down and pulling me with him, onto his cold hard lap, "there you go, now you wont get frosty wet jeans."

"Thanks," I said shyly and slightly taken aback, but in a good way.

We stayed there for a while, simply enjoying the view, relishing in the peace and relaxing in the silence. Edward was leaning back against a boulder while I sat perched on his knees. I looked back at him and found he had his eyes closed. He was perfectly and utterly – and slightly worryingly – still, it was strange, I had never seen anyone quite as... immobile, as he was, it was almost like he could stay there forever and a day quite comfortably, yet I couldn't look away.

Suddenly his eyes were open and boring into my own, I blushed but I couldn't for the life of me avert my eyes like I know I would have if he had been anyone different. I was instantly, hopelessly lost deep in his topaz eyes, and I found myself not caring about reality, not wanting to get back. What was so great about reality anyway? The prospect of school, ex-friends and ex-boyfriends and drunk dads wasn't exactly what anyone would call appealing.

"Are you hungry?" he suddenly asked.

I felt the empty gnawing in my stomach as soon as he said the words and nodded my head vigorously. He chuckled quietly to himself, "We best get back and get you fed then," he said as he stood up, bringing me with him.

"What, or where, do you want to eat?" he asked as we got back to his car.

"Erm... I honestly don't mind just making us a quick sandwich when we get back if that's easiest," I didn't want him to make a big fuss unnecessarily.

He pouted, "That's no fun! Come on, just let me take you out. Please!"

I couldn't believe he was actually begging me to let him do something – overly – nice for me, it was just... plain weird.

"O-okay?" I stuttered, suddenly unsure and slightly overwhelmed by his kindness. I turned my head and noticed he was looking at me expectantly, I realised he was probably waiting for where I wanted to go, "Erm..." I racked my brains, trying to think of a nearby restaurant, "how about... that new pizza place in Port Angeles?" I looked at him hesitantly, wondering if he was ok with that.

"I know where that is... I think." He turned to me, "Do you want to direct me when we get to Port Angeles?" he asked.

I nodded and he beamed at me, I couldn't help but grin back. The rest of the car ride was silent, but without the awkwardness of before. Our trip to the meadow had been significant in determining our friendship, we both knew we were in it for the long haul, my trust in him grew and I hoped that his trust in me had grown too, there was just something... extra about him. It was a feeling I got when I was with him and hopefully the deepening of out friendship would bring me one step closer to knowing more about him.

I broke the silence when I directed Edward to Dominoes. We had a nice meal, but, for some reason, Edward didn't didn't eat much and he tensed up a few times with no noticeable trigger – that I could see anyway. He assured me he was fine but I wasn't convinced. Maybe sitting on the frosty ground wasn't the best idea for him. He would probably be fine again in few days time with a little rest, I mean, he had sat on the cold, frosty ground for hours this morning.

After lunch – well, it was the meal after breakfast, even though it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon – we wondered around Port Angeles just window shopping, it was nice. Some of the clothes on display were ridiculous, it's _Washington_, why would anyone wear something as permeable as _that_ here? I laughed about this with Edward then made a deal with him that none of this would get back to his shopaholic sister Alice.

We got back to my house at ten to seven and I invited him in for dinner, which he then insisted on helping me prepare. He was very good and very fast, he may have been the one in control this morning, but the kitchen was _my_ domain, I was in charge and he knew it. He seemed oddly pleased to be following my orders, I was slightly shocked by my own boldness and general sergeant-like demeanour. I was also shocked by how much I liked it, I knew Edward knew it was all in good fun, but we both also knew I was still in charge. And he was letting me be. He was perfectly comfortable with it.

We made stir fry, simple but involved a fair amount of chopping. I congratulated Edward on standing up to the bullying onions who always made me cry – but not him – and he made an elaborate bow at my singular, standing ovation. Again, Edward didn't eat much, but he shrugged it off as just having not much of an appetite. Well, I supposed I had been making meals of epic proportions now with my new-found freedom of diet. Eh, I cant _force_ him to eat. Although the image of me jamming cake into his mouth was funny, and partially disturbing.

Edward eventually went home at nine, it was a little early but I wanted him gone before Charlie got home. I feigned exhaustion to give an excuse for getting Edward to leave. I didn't want him to see Charlie stumbling through the door, completely shitfaced, I didn't want Edward to see Charlie turn violent if he saw me or hide in my room where he would still be heard staggering up the stairs, that would _not_ be a good end to this good day, sure it started out really bad and was about to end on another sour note as well, but overall, this day had been awesome!

As soon as Edward left I bolted the back door and went to get ready for bed, locked my door and waited for Charlie to come back. I wasn't waiting too long before Charlie bumbled loudly up the stairs, knocking into things and cursing as he went. Once I was sure he had passed out on his bed, I crept back downstairs and bolted the front door. I then quietly shuffled back upstairs and drifted off to sleep.

It was only about an hour later that I got woken up, yet again, by Jacob banging on the door and yelling my name incessantly. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? He had predicted that I would come crawling back to him, but it had been the opposite, _he_ had been begging _me_ to come back to him. I would never go back to him, even though I was trembling with fear under the covers, I knew going back to him would be worse, worse than being with him before, and a hell of a lot worse than this.

I was terrified, but it wasn't nearly as bad as last night, I knew he couldn't get in – which was what the fear had mostly been about – and really, what more was there outside for him to destroy? I had nothing left now that wasn't tainted by bad memories, memories of _him._ Suddenly I wanted to get rid of everything I owned, replace my belongings with new, neutral things that wont remind me of bad times.

I fell asleep again once Jacob had started to wear himself out and the banging had softened and the yelling had grown raspy then ceased. Next thing I knew I was groggily opening my eyes and stretching out in my bed. I rolled over and to my horror, realised I should have gotten up twenty minutes ago. I swore loudly and shot out of my bed, only jumping in the shower for a record seven minutes before running downstairs and rushing around the kitchen making a quick breakfast. I continued to run around like a headless chicken for another ten minutes before I was ready to leave. I ran out of the house and skidded to a stop as my eyes landed on the remnants of my truck. How headless had I been this morning? I had completely forgotten about this yesterday.

My eyes shifted instinctively to the right and was met with a pair of gold ones, "Do you need a ride?" a velvety voice asked.

The voice had to be connected to the eyes, the voice was perfect, the eyes were perfect, the _hair_ was utterly _amazing _and perfect... they all had to be connected. I could think of only one person who they could possibly belong to. Edward had remembered I had no way of getting to school. So here he was, leaning against his Volvo which was parked just outside my house and waiting for me.

I nodded dumbly and started towards him. Edward grinned and opened the passenger door for me, just like yesterday.

"What are you going to do about your truck?" Edward asked softly after a few minutes.

"It's scrap metal now, there's nothing much I _can_ do with it," I replied sadly, "I think I'll just take it to the dump whenever I can and hope I can get at least _something_ for it."

"What did your dad say when he found out?"

"I dunno, I was asleep by the time he came in," I lied looking out the window.

"Hmmm..." Edward didn't sound convinced but thankfully he didn't pursue the subject.

"When are you going to get a new car?" he asked.

"Whenever I have the money."

"Your dad wont contribute anything? It wasn't your fault your truck was assaulted," he sounded calm, with only a little hint of anger and disbelief, he was good at staying calm.

"Charlie wouldn't care if he himself did it, he wouldn't contribute anything, and with my job's wages, I'll be fifty by the time I've saved up."

"You know you can always get a lift with me until then, right? And if your wages are that bad, why don't your get a better job? I could help you look if you like."

"Really?" he nodded, "wow, thank you so much Edward," I was overcome with a sudden urge to hug him, but I refrained, he was driving and it might seem a little weird if I just randomly hugged him when we got out the car.

We parted ways in the school car park when the first bell rang after Alice came over and introduced herself to me. She was very chipper and obsessed with shopping, she was nice enough, but I couldn't really see us becoming that close. What would we talk about? I would just scoff at her obsession with shopping and I'm sure her reaction to my books would be similar.

The morning passed as it usually did, people avoiding me and whispering behind my back, making snide comments about my whorishness. I ignored them again, but this time it was like I had a shield around me, protecting me from their harsh words that they threw at me, rather than there being nothing there to hit. My confidence lasted longer this time, and was only just beginning to wane by the time lunch rolled around. I was one of the first people in the canteen, so I quickly bought my lunch and sat at my usual table. I kept my head down as I started eating my lunch, I had gotten a pizza and a little side salad.

"Is it ok if we sit with you Bella?" Alice's high-pitched voice abruptly pierced my bubble of peace and I looked up to see two familiar figures standing by my side.

I smiled and nodded. They both smiled at me and sat down, Edward next to me and Alice on his other side. Alice carried most of the conversation and had to be reminded a few times by Edward to tone it down and let other people have a chance to speak too. I laughed whenever he did that, her face was so funny, but it was true, she was starting to overwhelm me a little and I had no hope of getting a word in edgeways.

Biology passed with me and Edward getting in a quiet, truncated conversation while we were doing the practical. He commented on how tired I looked and I brushed it off as simply having a restless night – it was partially true. Edward dropped me off home and we ended up doing our homework together at the kitchen table, we made dinner and ate it before I gently coaxed him into leaving before Charlie could get home and find him here.

He turned around at the door to say goodnight when I suddenly noticed something, "Hey, did you get contacts?" I blurted out.

He frowned in confusion, "No."

"Oh, I just thought your eyes looked a little different, a little darker, that's all."

"Oh, yeah, it's the light, my eyes are really reflective, so they seem darker when there's less light," he explained, looking a little uncomfortable for some reason.

"Oh, well... goodnight then, and get some sleep yourself, you look a little tired."

"I will," he promised, "Goodnight!" he called as he backed away to his car.

I leaned against the door and sighed contentedly, today had been two unbelievably good days in a row, I hoped to god it would continue. I then proceeded to lock up in my new, nightly routine.

* * *

**A/N - **heyy, if you read any of my other stories, then i am actually writing those chapters - or trying to write those chapters i should say - but they are coming along incredibly slowly and they may take some time to update.

but i hoped you like this chapter, some of you predicted that we hadnt seen the last of jacob - and you were right! its going to take a little more effort than that to get jacob out of the picture... and he's only going to become more desperate! yikes!

please show me the love and review!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Thursday **

Once again, I was woken up during the night by Jacob. This was now the third night in a row and I was still a little freaked out by the whole experience. Once Jacob had started to quiet down, I was able to get back to sleep, forcing my mind to return to more pleasant things so I could at least be marginally well-rested for tomorrow. I hoped Edward got a good nights sleep, he looked like he was beginning to get bags under his eyes.

Once again, Edward was waiting for me as I stepped out the door. I felt myself smile in response to his grin and run down the drive to his car, today is going to be _good_. The ride to school was quiet, filled only with Debussy, which we both liked. Edward seemed oddly surprised that I – a modern-day teenager – liked Debussy... until I reminded him that I wasn't the _only_ teenager who liked classical music.

We parted ways when the bell rang for first period. I held my head high as I walked down the halls and was even able to laugh at some of the wilder – and in most cases more stupid – things they said. I was feeling stronger everyday – maybe its a combination of sleep, food and freedom. No more living in constant fear... even with the nightly visits, at least I had some respite, at least I had days filled with joy and happiness, even if the nights couldn't be.

I walked into the canteen in relatively high spirits, the mornings were always tough, but now I had friends to look forward to sitting beside at lunch. In fact, I heard Alice calling me from three tables away, causing all of the surrounding tables to turn and stare. I blushed in embarrassment, ducked my head and walked quickly to their table. Thankfully, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett were sitting at another table, I didn't think I would be able to handle sitting next to Popeye, the Ice Queen and Mr I'm-so-great-all-I-need-to-do-is-sit-here at lunch as well.

I was taking baby steps, but I could already see improvement in myself over the four days I had been without Jacob. Standing up to him had really been the best decision of my life so far... I briefly wondered where I got the strength to do that from, but by then I had sat down next to Edward and Alice was talking my ear off. I came to a conclusion then that it was just so much easier to space out and go off into my own little world than trying to follow what Alice was saying. Again, Edward had to remind her to let other people get a word in, but mostly, we just sat there pretending to listen – in my defence, I did at least _try_ to understand what she was saying before giving up.

Biology was the best period of the day... and in some ways, was better that lunch, I wasn't overwhelmed in biology. In biology, I could relax a little and know with relative certainty what was expected of me... sort of. Edward was an enigma, not quite as loud and as scary as Alice, but an enigma all the same. I never knew how to react to him, but so far, I haven't done anything wrong. I couldn't work out why he was being so nice to me, why the hell would he want _me_ as a friend? What could I offer him in a friendship? I wasn't funny, I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't even pretty. I was a coward.

At the end of the day, Edward was leaning against his Volvo... waiting for me. Like this morning, an involuntary smile spread across my face at the mere sight of him – not that I was trying to hide my smile or anything. What made it even better was the matching smile on Edward's face. He really was pleased to see me; bizarre as it was, it was still true.

I was the last one out of gym so the car park was pretty empty as I walked over to him; and I was glad, he didn't need the rumours following _him_ around as well. I know that him giving me a lift in the morning probably sparked some rumours... and so did sitting together at lunch, but going home with him would just give them even more excuse to let their imaginations run wild – they couldn't even really take credit for their ideas, they probably stole them from a soap or something. I didn't get why it was so... _necessary_ to know everything about everyone else's business, I didn't get the appeal at all.

I couldn't really invite Edward in again to do more homework, because... well, I didn't have any. I turned to him as we reached the door – he insisted on walking me up the drive – to say goodbye, but the words barely had chance to get stuck in my throat before his phone was vibrating in his pocket. He looked at me apologetically as he picked up, but I was secretly glad to spend a few more minutes with him, a few _less_ minutes alone in the house to let the panic and paranoia creep up on me... and boredom, I would get bored out of my mind ridiculously quickly if I was alone with nothing to do.

"Alice? ...Yeah, I'm standing right outside Bella's house right now... what? Reall- how? Why? ...Well... I don't know, Alice but- ...no... Alice she doesn't- ...fine. Alright then. Yeah I will... no, I don't think- ok, ok! Fine. Bye." Edward hung up the phone and turned back to me.

Again, Edward's eyes were apologetic, but this time they seemed just a little sadder than before, "Alice wants to take you shopping. I'm really sorry, I tried to get us out of this but she really wasn't taking no for an answer."

I shrugged, "Eh, I've got nothing better to do." Okay, fine. I was only agreeing because Edward was going. Happy now?

He sighed and looked really remorseful about what he was going to say next, "Alice... also wants you to change – not that that there's anything wrong with the way you look now! Not at all! But Alice – for some reason mysteriously unknown to me – wants you to change, she said wear something blue... or something like that."

"Ok," I agreed easily, "Will you be coming to pick me up after I've gotten changed and had a chance to get some money together?"

"Don't bring any money, I'll pay for everything. Its the least I could do after you're being forced to spend an entire evening on a shopping trip with Alice, not to mention that you'll most certainly make it bearable for me."

He really had the strangest logic known to man... ever. After a few seconds of trying to think of ways around letting him pay for everything, it occurred to me that, whatever reasoning I used, he would still insist on paying... and he struck me as the type of guy who wouldn't take no for an answer. So, I decided to save myself an argument – that I would surely end up losing – and just give in now. I mean, hopefully I'm getting to spend another whole evening with him. Besides, he made me feel safe, something I really needed to feel after just breaking up with Jacob. Really, I needed to be thanking Alice.

"So, I'll see you and Alice in about ten minutes then?"

He nodded and waved as he walked backwards to his car, watching me until I was through the front door. I closed the door and leaned against it while I contemplated the coming evening. Then I rushed up to my bedroom, trying to recall whether I did, in fact, own anything blue... apart from jeans. My mind eventually settled on a royal blue blouse that had been a gift from Angela a couple of years ago, just as I reached my wardrobe. With a smile, I pulled open the doors and went straight for the blouse, threw it on my bed and searched for something to wear with it. It was cold outside so I settled on a pair of black jeans from... before.

_Oh my god!_ I realised exactly how much weight I had lost over the last couple of years, it was truly scary! I pulled the waist of my jeans to side and gazed in horrified awe as I slid my whole hand into the gap... and there was still plenty of room for another hand to fit in there! I took a deep calming breath and decided not to think about it. I brushed my hair, deliberately not looking in the mirror – fearful of what I would see – and quickly shoved some money into my bag. I was still under the impression that I might be able to wrangle paying for a few purchases myself.

I wasn't waiting in the kitchen long before I heard them knocking on my door. As soon as I opened the door I was greeted by a squeaky Alice rushing forward to hug me. I was stunned into place and suddenly found myself wishing I had brought a set of ear plugs. I heard Edward chuckle slightly at my grimace in response Alice's high pitched... whatever that was.

"I hope you don't mind, but I invited Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. It will be such fun for us all to go shopping together!"

I blanched at her words. I couldn't help it, but I was kinda intimidated by them. And by kinda; I mean a was so perfectly beautiful - but not in a delicate way. Her glare was the scariest, most ferocious I had ever seen. Fortunately I hadn't been on the receiving end so far, I had only seen it once when it was directed at Jessica after Jessica had been describing to Angela and Lauren how "buff" Emmett was. I had only just heard her over the din of the canteen and I was only a couple of tables away, how Rosalie heard form halfway across the canteen, I'll never know.

I think Jessica might have melted into a puddle of goo under the heat of her stare.

But Jessica was right, Emmett had more muscles on him than a rhino! He could easily be a bouncer or a body guard. And then there was Jasper, always filled with a mysterious calm and a quite confidence that spoke volumes. I don't think Alice picked up on my nervousness as she dragged me towards the car that Edward was leaning against, though. Then I saw Edward for the first time and my jaw almost dropped, he was wearing a grey shirt with the top buttons undone and the sleeves casually pushed up to his elbows and a pair of black jeans.

He opened the door to the back passenger seat and – after a moments hesitation in which I was shamelessly ogling him – I climbed into the car, "Alice made me change as well," he whispered to me exasperatedly as I passed, I guess ha wasn't all that keen on being dressed by Alice.

Then Edward went round to slide smoothly into next to me. I couldn't stop my eyes being drawn to him but after a second I forced myself to look away, out the window. I didn't notice until we were moving that Jasper was sat in the front seat.

For some reason I felt Edward stiffen slightly beside me, "Alice, just keep it nice and quiet in the front will you?" Edward said shooting her a loaded look.

Alice met his eyes and, instead of protesting like I thought she was going to, she nodded after searching his gaze... probably saw how serious he was about her talking way too much. I guess jasper felt the same way as me, because he met Edwards eyes in the rear-view mirror in silent thanks. I was confused at the cryptic exchanges but decided not to dwell on it. Apparently Rose and Emmett were driving in the other car.

I looked out the window for most of the ride, but I heard Edward give a low chuckle about halfway through the journey. I looked to him t see he was looking at Alice who was frowning, the she stuck her tongue out and turned with a huff to stare resolutely out the wind-shield. They really had the silent communication thing down to a fine art. I suppose that's what comes with being a sibling.

Alice hopped out almost before the car had stopped moving as Jasper pulled into one of the few parking spaces left available. Her enthusiasm for the actual shopping part of this trip was admirable... but not shared. I got out of the car slowly and gulped as I took in, not only the size of the place, but the amount of energy radiating off Alice. I was afraid to get too close to her in case something happened.

I was completely out of my comfort zone now, dim memories of similar trips with my... _ex_-friends swam lazily behind my eyes before drowning in my panic. I instinctively moved closer to Edward for... protection? From a _shopping centre_? I didn't do well in crowds, or even in small groups... basically I didn't do well in social situations. My blinding panic and utter lack of confidence and self-esteem made it almost impossible to do anything remotely social that I wasn't forced into.

I started to retreat into myself a little when Alice came up to me and was flapping all her weird energy around in my face. She hadn't even given me time to take the mall in! Then she was all shouting about what shops we would have to go to and that she would be getting me a whole new wardrobe and giving me loads of stuff to try on so she could critique in the shop... it was all too much for me and I hid behind Edward. I literally grabbed his arms to hold him in front of me like I was afraid he would abandon me and leave me to the face the wrath of The Alice alone.

But instead, he spread his arms wide, preventing The Alice from getting to me and sternly told her, "Enough."

She cringed and seemed to really see my cowering form for the first time today. She instantly became chagrined and backed off. She took a few steps away and went to stand beside jasper and hold his hand, showing me that she was going to stay put and behave, but I remained behind Edward. I felt myself calming down as I started to control my breathing and stopped using Edward as a human shield but remained tucked into his side.

Alternative plans were then made. Edward managed to negotiate going off separately in pairs then meeting back at the cars to go home. Emmett and Rosalie seemed to particularly enjoy that idea and they took off almost instantly, barely calling a, "See ya, Bella!" over their shoulders at me. I felt much more comfortable with them already.

I felt a little more relaxed walking along the shops, and as I started to lose my panic, I felt guilt start to creep upon me. The Alice had only been trying to be friendly, she had just taken me by surprise, that's all, just when I was already feeling a little anxious.

**Edward's pov**

Why Alice had both me and Bella change, I'll probably never know. When I arrived home she was busy picturing what outfit I would have to wear. I sighed when I came in range of hearing her thoughts, of course she would turn a plan to get Bella out of the house into a fashion show. Her vision had certainly been alarming, even if I hadn't see it first-hand through Alice's thoughts. Apparently, as soon as I would have gone home – earlier than usual since we were just hanging out, not doing homework – Bella's dad would have come home before she was expecting him... drunk. Bella would still be downstairs, and there would be a fight. Well, by fight, I mean; Chief Swan would would fly into a rage and Bella would have to bear the brunt of it.

It enraged me. Why was Bella still living with him? Didn't she have anywhere else to go? What kind of dad gets drunk and abuses their daughter? But I had a feeling that, of all Bella's problems, this was just the tip of the iceberg.

I tried distracting myself again, concentrating on Alice envisioning me in the outfit of her choice. With effort, I noticed the determination in Alice's thoughts as she kept her mind on my clothes I guess she was trying to distract herself as well. I went straight to my room and changed into the clothes and came back downstairs. We waited a little until the appropriate amount of time had passed then went to pick up Bella. Alice forced everyone else into coming as well. She couldn't see how Bella would react because she didn't know that everyone else was coming, but she seemed confident that this would be fun. I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.

We got to Bella's and Alice's mind was going a million miles a minute trying to plan what shops we would go to. I internally stifled a groan at the long list that Alice was constructing. She knocked on the door and I got out the car to see Bella sooner. I knew I had feelings for Bella, but I also knew that Bella didn't return those feelings, whether she didn't find me attractive or if she just wasn't ready to have those kinds of feelings for me yet, it didn't matter. I was no good for her. I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I had smelled in a long time.

But her blood wasn't what I was thinking of when she opened the door. She looked... astonishing? Exquisite? Stunning? I certainly felt stunned as my eyes roamed over her, from head to toe. Her eyes didn't find mine as Alice pulled her into a hug, which left me free to gaze at her and admire her beauty. I chuckled at Alice's forwardness, over the years we had gotten used to it but for new people it can be a bit overwhelming. Bella looked a little uneasy as Alice let go of her, and I was once again reminded of her shyness and her discomfort around most people.

I opened the door for her to get in the car and noticed her eyeing my clothes as well, "Alice made me change as well," I whispered to her in explanation as she passed me.

We got settled in the car and Jasper started to drive, but he was increasingly becoming aware of Bella's warmth and the sound of her pulse. He dared not breathe because he would definitely smell her and then... I refused, point blank, to think about what would happen next. I slyly kicked the back of his chair to halt his dangerous thoughts as I surreptitiously told Alice to not talk to Jasper... to not make him breathe.

I could tell Bella was apprehensive as she got out the car, I recalled our trip on Tuesday where Bella had confessed that she didn't really like shopping that much. She managed to keep herself calm though, which was good... until Alice ruined it. She seriously needs to learn how to tone it down a bit. Being vampires... and living with her, we had learned how to deal with it and placate her and it's hard to tell her she was going to extremes when she never meant any harm.

But she was scaring Bella.

I told her, "Enough," and suggested that we split off into pairs to go shopping, while Jasper helped calm Bella down.

We hadn't been inside the shopping centre long before I sensed something else was wrong with Bella, "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I feel so guilty about freaking out earlier, I think The Alice just caught me off guard, when I was already a little stressed out about the whole thing and I just... panicked," she looked at me a little desperately.

"_The_ Alice?" I quoted, amused by her nickname.

"Oh, sorry," her face flamed from embarrassment, "I guess she always reminded me more of a force of nature than a person."

I laughed, could Bella be any more perfect? "I like it," I said, still full of mirth, "It... has a certain ring to it."

I heard Bella start to giggle, which then turned into a real, full-on laugh. It was the first time I had seen her properly, truly laugh, ever. It was a crime that she hadn't laughed like that in the whole two weeks that I had known her. I wanted to hear it all the time, but settled for committing the sound to memory and vowing to make her laugh like that again more often.

We wondered round the shops leisurely, occasionally something would catch her eye – even though she tried to be subtle about it – and then I would buy it for her, despite her protests and offers to pay even though I told her not to bring any money. Each time, I won; whether it was the fact that she didn't actually have enough money with her to pay for it or some other way I found to persuade her to let me buy it for her.

The entire evening I revelled in Bella's happiness. I even started counting how many times made Bella smile before I got caught up in her mood and decided to just make her smile as much as I could, rather than obsessing over the end total...

I stared at Bella over both out plates of food and wondered how she ended up so skinny. She had finished her food completely and was now eyeing the desert menu. Although, she had been steadily looking a little healthier everyday since I'd met her. Had she been recovering from an illness? ...Or was it something else?

I wanted to believe she had just been recovering from an illness, but I had a feeling that Bella's problems were far from over.

We both got desert as she felt uncomfortable being the only one eating, and I wasn't going to deny her anything she wanted, especially not food.

As we were eating desert, a thought hit me with the force of a wrecking ball; where was her boyfriend? I knew no-one other than me had visited her other than me at the hospital, and I had been at her house everyday so far this week... I pondered this quietly as I forced the slimy hunk of human food down my throat – it was always easier if my mind was on something else – and let my thoughts wonder back to what I actually knew about him... which was practically nothing.

Apart from the fact that Bella seemed a little upset after he left.

Had he broken up with her? If he had, then surely she would have mentioned something about that when I visited her and have been more heartbroken. As it was, she had seemed more... _spirit_-broken. Like she had given up after being beaten down too many times. Maybe he had left town for an extended period of time? I wanted to ask her about it, but how do you bring that up in conversation without sounding suspicious? I sighed and leaned back in my chair, letting it drop for now.

Bella looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, "Full already?" she commented, seeing my sigh as a sign that I was finished.

I was slightly surprised – and in awe – of her sudden boldness and comfort around me, even though she had slowly been growing more confident, I had never seen her playful side, never seen her make a joke or tease me. But I quickly recovered as I chuckled and said, "If that's a challenge Miss Swan, then I'm going to have to give up now, because I don't think I could compete with your appetite."

She blushed and looked down at her plate. The inviting pink had come to be something I loved about her, rather than something that made me thirst for her. Being around her scent so much had made it easier to ignore but I still feared combining it with her warmth and proximity. More than once I had ached to link my hand with hers, to brush a strand of hair out of her face... I had only touched her three times; when I carried her to the hospital, when I threw my arms round her to comfort her without thinking and when I pulled her onto my lap in the meadow. But I caught my mistake as her eating ground to a halt.

I shot forward in my seat, leaning over, trying to meet her eyes, my hand instinctively found hers, sending a shock up my arm and through my whole body at the skin-on-skin contact, "You know that's not a bad thing, right? The media have it all wrong, no-one wants someone who starves herself. Trust me, your appetite is perfectly healthy, just a little bigger than mine," I held her gaze intently, for once trying to convey _my_ thoughts to _her_, instead of the other way round.

She smiled softly and I watched in horror as tears formed in her eyes and threatened to spill, "Thank you, Edward."

I was perplexed, had I not just made her cry? I frowned, "For what?" I kept my voice low and soft, trying not to break the moment we were sharing.

"For telling me that it's ok to be me," she said simply.

I was filled with horror and pity as her confession reached my ears and in literally less than a split second I was round her side of the table lifting her onto my lap so she could sit comfortably while I held her. I momentarily didn't care about the risk of being seen moving so quick, even though just a few weeks ago, I never would have believed I could be so careless in a public place. But as she wrapped her arms around me, seeking comfort, I began to relax now that she was feeling a bit better and scanned the crowd, alert for suspicious thoughts. After finding none, I relaxed and concentrated on Bella.

When she was feeling better, I asked if she wanted to finish eating but she shook her head, so I asked for the bill and paid immediately before leading Bella back to the car. I phoned The Alice to let her know we would be going home now, because it would be impolite not to despite the fact that she probably already knew. Only remembering that I didn't have the keys to the car once we were already half way across the car park, I resolved myself to hot-wiring it to get Bella home.

I walked her to her door again, cherishing the precious seconds I still had with her before I had to leave until tomorrow. As we reached the door I was hit by some last minute reservations about whether she actually believed me when I said her appetite wasn't a bad thing.

"Hey," I breathed softly to her as she was fumbling with getting her keys out of her bag. She looked up at me and a placed my hands lightly on her shoulders, needing more contact with her, "You know that being anything less than yourself just wont be good enough, right?" I sighed as I realized my words left room to be taken the wrong way, "I mean, don't change yourself for anyone, you're already perfect the way you are."

I sighed again, did it sound like I liked her? Was I coming off too strongly? I wasn't the most sociable person and I didn't have much – meaning _any_ – experience with relationships or even liking someone, but Bella needed to be treated with extra care, her shattered self-esteem made it easy for her to be blinded by her self-percieved faults and easily take offence. I hoped I'd gotten my point across to her.

But she smiled warmly and her eyes seemed to light up a little at my compliment. For the first time, Bella looked truly alive,like she was actually _living_ her life, rather than just existing. I felt a rush of feelings almost sweep me off my feet as I gazed at the never-before-seen sparkle that now danced in her eyes. I felt changed, once the initial rush was over, like there was no going back, like I would never be the same again. I felt a soft smile form on my face as I focused only on Bella... because, right then, there _was_ nothing else.

Eventually, I realised that Bella would probably like to go inside before she gets too cold so I – reluctantly – let go of her, so she could find her key and let herself in. I noticed with dismay that she was actually shivering as she attempted to put the key in the lock and unlock it. The key rattled loudly against the metal and it took her a fair amount of time to actually get the door open, all the while I felt guilty for keeping her out in the cold.

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then," I said, starting our goodbyes for the night.

"Yeah, I forgot we had school in the morning, for some reason I kept thinking it was a Friday today."

"Looking forward to the weekend?" I asked with a smirk, delighting in the easy grin she shot back at me.

"Yeah. Finally, a lay in!"

I laughed at her teenage love of sleep, but also thinking that she still needed a good night's rest, "Well, goo-" my farewell got stuck in my throat as footsteps and hazy thoughts invaded my Bella-saturated mind. My eyes darted over Bella's shoulder to look directly into another set of brown irises so similar to Bella's.

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**A/N -** for those reading _torn in two_ and_ identically opposite_, i am actually still writing them, even though it probably doesn't seem like it*smiles sheepishly*, i'm just experiencing a little writers block. BUT i have a new story that im writing, a little dark like this one - not quite sure yet how dark its going to get - and a little more angsty and and intense, if you want to read it... _please? the story just needs a little love!_

... and as always, don't forget to review!]_  
_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - **its a miracle! another chapter in two days! with school and a party! however, getting lost in the chapter has meant its taken a different direction to what i originally thought - as did the last chapter - and im not sure if i really like where this is headed.

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**Chapter 10 – talk to me**

Trying to decipher Charlie's thoughts was like trying to swim through treacle; difficult, but not impossible. And it was made even harder by the fact that he was intoxicated. I was immensely grateful that my vampire mind worked at the speed it did... but I was no longer so sure when I managed to get the first clear thought out of his head. He was thinking strong thoughts, they blocked everything else out for him as they bombarded my mind. But what I was seeing wasn't Bella. I could tell that right away, it was so out of character for her that my brain immediately rejected the idea that the video was all it looked like.

But Charlie was so blinded by rage and betrayal that he couldn't see that. I now knew his reason for being a drunk, but it only enraged me further that he had so little faith in his daughter. I didn't want to see any more, I recoiled my mind from Charlie's like his mind's poisonous thoughts were contagious.

As soon as Bella turned and saw her father in the hall, all her new-found confidence crumbled into terror as she backed away from him and into me. I quickly pushed her behind me, holding her upright as her feet stumbled on the steps.

"Go ahead, protect the stupid whore! It's not like she's worth it!" he spat angrily. Wrongly feeling betrayed that someone could support his daughter when she had betrayed him so hideously. I felt disgust rise in me.

I backed away slowly, keeping Bella behind me at all times now we were on even ground. My eyes never left Chief Swan, even though he wasn't fast enough to get past me even if I was distracted. I felt my fury pulse through my veins in response to my desperate _need_ to protect Bella.

"Bella," I said to her lowly, trying to keep my voice calm and _not_ betray my vehemence, "go get in the car."

"Please... don't do anything," she almost begged me, I guess I wasn't so great at controlling my anger.

"So you're her new toy then, I wonder how long you'll last? I wonder if you know about Jacob, are you just a little fling on the side for her? Or did she break up with Jacob for you? Did she convince you she's something special?" Charlie turned his harsh words to me.

"Does this happen often?" I murmured to her even though I could guess the answer with a fair amount of accuracy.

I heard her hesitate before she finally, reluctantly admitted, "Y-yes," in a whisper, "But please, don't do anything."

"I'm not going to do anything too rash, but you should know that he has responsibilities. You deserve better than a drunk for a father," by this time we were getting fairly close to my car now... and Chief Swan was half-way across the front garden. My phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it as I was still caught in the middle, protecting Bella from her father.

"Can't we just go?" Bella pleaded with me almost desperately.

I turned and looked at her, searching her endless eyes to fathom why she was so desperate just to get out of here. I saw that she was terrified, but of what, I just couldn't work out... until her eyes darted over my shoulder and widened in fresh panic. I whipped my head around, faster than human eyes could follow to see Charlie barrelling down the few feet distance left between me and him.

"Get in the car Bella," I growled, frustrated as I met Charlie's attack head on.

I caught each of Charlie's arms as they came at me – it would probably harm him more if he actually punched me – and remembered what Bella said about not wanting me to do anything. So I merely stopped him from attacking me. Once I held his arms secure, he started kicking me. At a complete loss of what to do, I settled for pushing him further back towards the house. I could see him getting more enraged and his attacks got wilder and wilder. Each time I managed to stop him before he seriously hurt himself. I got why Bella didn't want anything started with Charlie, he as her dad. And even through all his... _flaws_, she still loved him.

I heard a strangled cry of "Edward!" come from behind me.

I quickly glanced over my shoulder to see a panic-stricken Bella watching with anxious eyes from the car. I sighed, Bella needed to be away from here, she didn't need to see her dad fighting against me just so he could get to her. I pushed Charlie so he would land on his backside, just enough to delay any pursuance he might make. I dashed back to the car, barely restraining myself to human speed.

I jumped in the car and let my finger work as fast as they could to start the engine before reversing down the drive and heading away form Bella's house, carrying her away from danger.

I noticed a quivering in the air on my right side, I glanced across to find Bella shivering in her seat, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," was her automatic answer, her voice coming out high and dazed. She continued to stare through straight ahead as she answered me.

I frowned, she was clearly was _not_ alright. I reached over, but hesitated with my hand only a few inches from her face. Could I touch her? Could I allow myself that luxury when my frigid skin certainly wouldn't help the shivering? Could I allow myself – as a vampire – to touch her – as a human? My keen eyes caught the beginnings of a tear form in her eye and suddenly those questions seemed insignificant in the light on one glaring truth; Bella needed comforting.

I gently placed my finger under her chin, surprised to find a warm crackling sensation spreading from the exact point where my skin made contact with hers and pulsing through my body, awakening each dead cell. To say the feeling was pleasant would be a gross understatement.

I coaxed Bella's head to the side, trying to get her to look at me. When her eyes met mine I could still see the apprehension in her eyes, "Bella, seriously, what's wrong?"

I felt my insides clench painfully as Bella's lower lip started to tremble slightly, "My dad," she whispered hoarsely, "He hates me."

I wanted Bella to tell me what happened, I knew something was up between them, and I knew it had something to do with a video of... I clenched my teeth at the thought. I was still determined to think there was something more to those videos than meets the eye.

"Why would he hate you?" I asked softly trying to unravel the mystery that was Bella Swan.

She closed her eyes, hiding from me my best avenue to her thoughts, I only managed to see a flash of deep pain and regret before her eyelids barred the way. "Because... because he thinks I'm a whore, the whole school does, in case you haven't noticed," her tone was laced with bitterness towards the end.

But. She only said that they _think_ she's a whore. That says that she doesn't think she is. It gave me hope. "Why?" I breathed, "Tell me what happened."

She leaned back against her seat in the car and a tear made its way down her cheek. She looked exhausted... but not broken like she did before. "It all started at Jared's birthday. I went with my boyfriend, Jacob because it was one of _his_ friend's party. They were at a club and they bought me drinks because I was under-age, but I guess one of them spiked my drink with something because I kinda got all woozy and sleepy. Then, I don't remember much other than I couldn't get them off me and it was the most terrifying thing that I had ever experienced. When I woke up the next day I felt like I had a hangover – I've never actually had one but I've been told what it's like – but then they started again, I was drugged again and they were rough and they videoed it... and that was just the first of many. I never remembered anything that happened, so I would always watch the videos back just to see if..." I grieved for her.

I knew what she was trying to say when she trailed off at the end, "And, did they...?" I trailed off, the rest of the sentence not needed and not conducive to not hurting Bella any further than she had been already since the birthday party.

She looked at me then, "No," she whispered.

I was instantly filled with relief. "Thank you," I whispered back.

"For what?"

"For sharing," I looked deep into her chocolate eyes which were filled with shame and regret, "even though most of the school probably knows and that's why they bully you, it's good that you're able to get it off your chest... and it also means a lot that you would open up to me like that... But one thing I don't understand though; where's Jacob now?"

"Oh," she blushed slightly, "I dumped him. On Sunday, after you drove me home."

I looked at her in surprise and awe... again. "Really? And he just left?"

She shifted uncomfortably, "Well..." I glanced at her wondering how _Jacob_ was obviously still haunting her, "When he gets drunk at night, he kinda... comes banging on the door and shouting for me, wanting me back."

_Jesus Christ!_ How had I missed this? "That's why you always looked so tired," I said in bleak realisation, "That's why you bought the deadbolts, that's why you always got me to leave early, that's why your truck was destroyed... is that why surprises scare you?" I asked softly at the end, remembering her panic on Tuesday.

She nodded meekly. My heart broke for her again, no longer in merely two halves, it was now torn and shredded beyond recognition. With a lot of effort I forced my mind away from thoughts of tracking down this mysterious Jacob and into thinking only of what Bella needed.

"The hospital, when I found you..." I trailed off not willing to repeat the memory in any detail, "you dad or Jacob?" I asked.

"My dad," she breathed. She saw my appalled look and as I opened my mouth to speak she cut me off predicting what I would say next, "If it had been Jacob, I probably would have told you... but Charlie's the Chief of police! It would be his word against mine, and no-one would believe me, they _all_ think I'm a lying,cheating scumbag."

I took a deep breath and halted my questions, seeing that she was exhausted. "Do you want to stay at my house tonight?" I asked.

She hesitated a moment before looking at me with a brand new hope shining in her eyes. The sparkle in her eyes ignited again and I felt warmth radiate out from the place where my heart used to beat.

"Really?" she asked and I nodded, "Oh, thank you Edward! Oh. I don't have any stuff with me."

I shook my head, "That's alright, I'm sure Alice or Rosalie or Esme could sort you out with something."

Bella nodded and relaxed in my car. Her eyelids started to droop and it looked as though she didn't have long left before she would be under. She would definitely be asleep by the time we got to my house.

**Bella's pov**

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. I was on a huge, incredibly soft and comfortable, four-poster bed with golden sheets matching the walls and carpet. I noticed a vast CD and book collection spanning the entirety of one wall, a black sofa was pushed up against the wall on the other side while the wall opposite me was entirely made out of glass. As I was admiring the intricate, wrought-iron roses adorning the bed frame, I suddenly realised where I was.

There was a knock at the door, I jumped slightly and told them to come in. Edward poked his head around the door before entering the room slowly. I noticed he had some clothes in his hand as he slowly approached me.

"Are you alright? You fell asleep in the car and I just carried you up here. You haven't been asleep for long, just enough time for Alice to sort you out something to sleep in." How did he do that? How did he answer my questions without me even asking them? How did he know exactly what to say to make me feel better? I felt another surge of warmth and affection at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you," I said smiling and taking the pyjamas out of his hands. I still couldn't believe, after everything he knew about me, he hadn't been repulsed by me.

"You can come back downstairs if you want after or stay up here, they know you're tired – I didn't tell them anything other than that you were exhausted. You cant tell them when and _if_ you're ready, but even if you don't want to tell anyone else about it, I'm always here for you Bella." He smiled kindly at me and left me alone to get changed.

Looking through the bundle Edward gave me, I also found a toothbrush and a towel. Hmm it would be nice to have a shower before bed. I picked up the bundle and tried to find where the shower was. However, I didn't have to look long as the room had an en suite bathroom discreetly hidden in the corner beside the massive shelves, almost overflowing as they stretched along the wall. It was an impressive, intimidating sight that drew the eye along the wall and to the window.

The regular beat of the hot water against my skin was so soothing, I seriously considered staging in there forever. Alas, there were other people probably wanting to shower at some point tonight. I sighed as I reluctantly climbed out of the shower only to wrap myself in the softest, fluffiest towel ever to have existed on this earth. I hoped the pyjamas would be just as soft.

It was probably too much to hope for that the pyjamas would be as luxurious as everything else. Reluctantly, I extricated myself from the towel's warm embrace and into the cooler surroundings of the pyjamas. They were a set of a deep blue, cotton tank top, with spotty, blue fleece bottoms. And they lived up to the towels softness.

I felt... content. For the first time in years I felt truly happy, not just in a superficial way, this happiness ran bone-deep. It was a happiness that took a lot more to make it disappear. Which made it all the more special.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go downstairs or not, I was still so exhausted I was worried I might pass out again, but it would be rude of me not to at least thank everybody for letting me stay here, wouldn't it? By this time I was halfway down the stairs and tense voices were impinging on my consciousness.

"Alice! You were eavesdropping in the car?" I heard Edward's voice raised in frustration, disbelief and anger.

"Well, you didn't answer my call when I saw what was going to happen!" Alice shot back.

"That's because it was already happening! I couldn't just say to Bella's dad: can you just wait a minute while I take this call from my psychic sister who's about to tell me exactly what's going to happen in the next ten minutes!" The Alice was psychic? Was this some inside joke? They didn't know I was listening did they? Was that why they were talking about eavesdropping? I was struggling to wrap my mind around the concept that someone could _actually_ see the future.

"I was just seeing if everything was ok!" The Alice defended indignantly.

"First; why would everything not be ok? And second; that was a private conversation! You should have just stopped listening as soon as you saw everything was _ok_, Bella told me those things in confidence and then you just listened in!"

"Carlisle!" The Alice called lowly. I could hear the guilt layering in her voice... but that didn't change that fact that she still _knew. _It was my secret, I hadn't been able to tell anyone for over a year, and suddenly people knew it without me realising. The thought made me dizzy.

I heard a whooshing noise and then, "I'm sorry Alice, but Edward's right, it wasn't your place to listen into other peoples secrets without their knowledge. Telling someone a secret is an act of trust, which the other person should respect. But listening into other peoples secrets..."

I didn't want to hear any more. The Alice knew? She knew everything? I felt my weak legs crumble as I collapsed unceremoniously onto the stairs. My blank stare ahead of me wasn't interrupted by my modified position and I couldn't find it in me to care either way, my mind was still reeling with the knowledge that Alice _knew!_ My body felt weightless, yet at the same time, I was struggling to hold myself vertical. I sighed and let my head fall onto the wall, not caring about the potential for a bruise. I felt like crying, all I wanted was for my problems to just _go away._

As soon as the dull thud of my head hitting the wall sounded out, all other sound ceased. You could feel the tension emanating out of the living room miles away. Then Edward was there, at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me. Then Alice was by his side, then Carlisle. I was too fatigued to think more of it... even though people don't just _appear_ out of know where – without trap doors and puffs of smoke.

The Alice made a move towards me, but as I flinched Edward stuck his arm out to stop her. His voice was softer than in the living room, "just give it some time Alice, you can have your say in the morning." And with that he slowly, but deliberately walked up the stairs to me, gently scooped me up into his arms and carried me back to the room I was in before and tucked me in bed with a tenderness that I wasn't sure was actually present due to my delusional state of weariness.

Once again I woke up in the the huge bed. As soon as I became aware I opened my eyes, but moved nothing else. _The Alice knew._ Had she told anyone else? Exactly how much did she know? I wasn't ready for her to know, not yet. It wasn't that I thought she would go around advertising it to the whole world, but it would make me uncomfortable around her.

I eventually got up, needing another shower, even if it was purely for therapeutic reasons. I felt a little better after I had freshened up and found the courage to go back downstairs. I walked into the bedroom brushing my hair when I heard another knock on the door. I panicked for a minute – I wasn't ready for this! How could I face The Alice knowing that she knew? – until I heard Edward's voice floating through the door, asking me if he could come in.

I relaxed immediately as I found out it was Edward on the other side of the door. Why was everything going wrong? I finally thought things were looking up when we were shopping, but then everything came crashing down on me with Charlie... He had attacked Edward! My heart stopped when I thought Charlie would actually harm him. I remembered the feel of my heart frantically pumping the worry-induced adrenalin around my veins. Charlie may have given birth to me and provided me with a place to stay and some comfort over the years, but he wasn't the best dad... And he lost that title when he turned his back on me. The familial loyalty I felt towards him vanished when I realised that Charlie had none. I felt resentment towards him build in me as it had with Jacob, although I don't think I could hate anyone as much as I hated him.

Edward crept into the room and sat on the bed, only a few inches away from me. He stared at the sheets on the bed – guilt written all over his posture – took a deep breath, like he was stealing himself for something then spoke, "I'm sorry about Alice. She has no shame when it comes to other people's business... I know you have a right to be angry with her – and it's ok, I'm furious with her too – but she meant no harm and she hasn't told anyone else. No-one else will ask either her or me what was said in the car, no-one will put pressure on you to tell them if you don't want to."

He finally looked at me then, with sincere, remorseful eyes, "I know you've kept that to yourself for a long time, you must have for you to be so hesitant to tell me. But I'm glad you did. Bella, that secret doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make you any less perfect. It doesn't mean you were _letting_ everyone bully you, you thought the consequences of telling people would be worse than not. No-one can hold that against you. Take all the time you need, just know that I'm there for you alright?"

I looked down and nodded. I was so touched by his words, and he still thinks I'm perfect? Well, obviously he doesn't think I'm _perfect_, but he still likes me? He's not running away as fast as he can in the opposite direction? I felt warm and happy and confident, while at the same time weak and extremely vulnerable. I realised for the first time, that I was actually placing complete trust in someone else. I needed physical reassurance that he wouldn't betray me. I wanted to feel his arms around me once again.

I swear that boy could read my mind; because no sooner had the thought entered my head than I felt his arms wrap around me. I was a little hesitant at first to wrap my arms around him, he was the only friend I had... but if he'd had plenty of opportunity to reject me. But what if he didn't want to be this close to me... _physically_? I mean, he'd been there for moral support more times than I could count, but now he knew what Jacob had done to me... did he feel I was contaminated?

But then I realised that Edward had initiated the hug, so what did it matter if my hands were around him as well? I hugged him back squeezing tightly as I let my emotions out. Things had changed, I was no longer sure I could go back to living at Charlie's house, dead certain I never wanted to see Jacob again and confused as to what to do about Alice. After a while I began to ache from my awkward positioning, but I didn't want to let go yet. Edward became uncomfortable as well and tried to move a little, but I was emotional and irrationally panicked and clung onto him, thinking that he was leaving me. So he made sure to keep one arm tights around me while he manoeuvred both of us into a more comfortable position.

We sat on the bed, holding each other for a long time. Edward had the patience of a saint, never giving any indication that he was bored or frustrated or even that he wanted to do something else. Even when I had cried myself out and was just resting with him because it felt nice and comforting he laid with me, holding me... until my stomach growled. He laughed and pulled back to look at me clearly.

"Should we get you something to eat?" he asked amusement still clear in his voice.

I grinned and nodded, but my enthusiasm faltered when I thought of going downstairs, "Will there be many people downstairs?" I asked, not up to being stared at especially today by more people.

"Only Esme, everyone else went to school and Carlisle's at the hospital."

"Ok, lets go," I said lightly as I jumped off the bed towing Edward behind by the hand. My confession to him had lifted a weight off my chest and helped dissuade my fears of rejection, leaving me deliriously happy and playful. I grinned as I bounced down the stairs eager to feed my pitifully empty stomach.

* * *

**A/N -** ( i know, i know! two A/Ns in one chappy! grrrrrrr but if i remind you to review at the top then you will have forgotten by the time you've read the chappy, and the other stuff needed saying before you read the chappy so :P) please remember to review and also i have i new story that's kinda struggling with its popularity (i mentioned this last chapter but seriously - if you like this, then you'll like when memories fail) =]


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – surreal calm**

As Edward promised, there was only Esme downstairs but she soon made herself scarce. I appreciated the efforts they took to make me feel comfortable... even if those efforts were a bit strange. Edward made me something to eat, then tentatively placed it in front of me, "I don't know how it tastes so... if it's awful just tell me and you can have something else."

I nodded, now slightly apprehensive about trying the food. Edward slid into the chair opposite me and scrutinized my face as I took my first bite, watching for any signs of discomfort as I ate. But he needn't have worried, he was a good cook. I ate quickly, giving into my stomach's urgent demands as I missed breakfast. I finished my food in record time and as soon as I was done, Edward was sweeping my plate from the table to the sink, asking if I wanted anything else.

"Just a coke is fine," I answered.

He swiftly poured me a glass of coke, set it down in front of me, took his seat opposite me and asked softly, "How much did you hear?"

There was a slight edge of apprehension in his voice, I guess he realised that The Alice's secret was out now too – it was weird how my mind automatically placed the word _the_ in front of Alice's name now. "The Alice can see the future... _accurately_," I whispered.

Edward only nodded, looking pained. "How?" I asked, still whispering.

"It was something she was born with. The Alice had visions of the future, she can predict weather, the stock markets, new _people_ coming to town... they are fairly accurate – the closer something is, then the more accurate and detailed her vision is. For example, events that will take place in a few days are easier and clearer to predict than events that will happen in a few months. But it also depends on decisions, if someone makes a decision to do something, then Alice will see that decision and the immediate consequences of it, but if that person changes their mind, then the whole vision changes, to be replaced by something new."

It was clear Edward was uncomfortable discussing something so out-of-the-ordinary with me. But he was trusting me. And I appreciated that. But I had a feeling there was something more, something else he wasn't telling me. The Alice's precognition was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Wow," I whispered, not sure of what else to say.

"That's how she found out," Edward leaned towards me, looking at me intently, speaking to me in earnest, "I _swear_ to you Bella, I _never... _I _would_ never..."

I nodded, letting Edward know I wasn't upset or angry with him, but there was still something suspicious about the look on his face.

"There's more, isn't there?" I asked, sure that Edward wasn't tell me anything.

Edward sighed, "Yes," he reluctantly admitted.

"But you're not going to tell me, are you?"

"No, I'm sorry. I just... it concerns my whole family... and it's dangerous for you to know."

"Does that mean you're dangerous?" I asked, half afraid of the answer. Although, I couldn't really imagine Edward being dangerous, he always catching me when I fell and he was always so gentle and kind to me. Someone that dangerous wouldn't be like that would they?

"Yes, but we try extremely hard not to be, we have worked for so long to gain the kind of control that lets us integrate with humans," he explained cautiously, I also noticed the way he said _humans_, like he didn't consider himself a part of that category.

"Have you killed anyone?" I couldn't help but ask.

Edward sighed, "Yes," I gasped but Edward hurried to explain further, "but that was over ninety years ago and even then, my... victims were murderers and rapists – that was how I justified it back then, but it didn't take me long to realise I was no better than the monsters I hunted."

"Does the Alice's visions have anything to do with... your secret?"

"Yes, some of us have... special abilities, no two abilities are the same although a few may be similar."

"Does anyone else...?" I trailed off, not entirely capable of talking about this with as much nonchalance as Edward.

"Erm, Jasper can sense and manipulate emotions, and I can read everyone's mind... except for yours."

"Really?" I asked sceptically, "You're not just saying that so I don't freak out about you reading my mind are you?"

Edward half-smiled and shook his head, "No, don't you remember when I first came to visit you at the hospital? I thought you'd run away crying because I'd terrified you the first time I met you."

I had to laugh at that, what he thought happened and what actually happened were on totally opposite ends of the spectrum, the difference was quite comic, "When you apologised for thinking you scared me?"

He cracked a grin and protested playfully, "In my defence it was the logical conclusion to come up with."

"How?" I scoffed.

Edward sighed, turning serious again, "Because humans have survival instincts that warn them to keep away from us, to fear us."

I didn't want to think about it any more, I didn't want to think about Edward being dangerous. The image just seemed wrong. But then a memory suddenly came back to me, the first time he caught me when I fell, he had been too fast then, when I called him after my truck had been demolished, he had run over to comfort me too fast... but was being fast such a crime? Was reading minds and seeing the future a crime?

I looked into Edward's face, if he wanted to kill me, he would've done it by now. That much, I knew. But he'd been speaking about _control_, what if he could just accidentally kill me? One slip of his hand then, bang! I'm gone... But that could happen with Charlie just as easily. Is it more likely to happen with Edward? I knew what I was asking myself, did I trust Edward? …He'd kept that one quiet – even though I could see his reasoning – but were there other secrets that were better for my health if I didn't know? Is Edward able to control himself when he's with me?

Then I had an epiphany... It didn't matter! Sure he might slip and crush my skull one day, but Charlie could go too far in his beatings too, _he _could end up killing me! The question wasn't which one would keep me alive the longest, it was which one would truly allow me to live? And there was only one answer to that question.

Edward.

**Edward's pov**

I wanted to tell her, so badly. I wanted to just blurt out that I was a vampire, that my first reaction to her presence was for my mouth to water. She shouldn't be trusting me. How could a vampire help someone who had just bravely ended an abusive relationship? I could easily cause more damage without even meaning to... but would she run?

I would.

If I was in Bella's shoes I would be long gone before you could even take a breath to say some ridiculous phrase that was the first thing you could come up with. I was a coward. I was a coward for not telling her... but the reasons I gave were valid enough. She shouldn't have that hanging over her head like a dark cloud – a dark cloud with lightening and thunder and gale-force winds that carve a mile wide path of destruction where ever they go.

I was pathetic, and Bella still hadn't spoken yet. I grabbed her empty plate and took it to the sink and began washing up. Still facing the window I said to Bella, "You're welcome to sleep here again tonight, Bella, but if I've made you too uncomfortable... alternative arrangements can be made."

Did I want her to stay? _Yes. _Should I want her to stay? _No._ After another pause I tacked on the end, "You don't have to make a decision now."

"I want to stay," I heard her low voice sound out behind me.

_What? Is she insane? I just basically told her that I could kill her by _accident! I turned around at full speed looking at her in pure shock and confusion, how did her brain work? Where was her logic? "_Why?_ You know, when I said that alternative arrangements could be made, I didn't mean you had to go back to Charlie, right? I would never send you back there," was she really seeing me and her father as her only options? "Please, just consider this a little longer, even if you say you want to stay now, you can always leave as soon as you change your mind." _If Emmett can hold me back from following you._

No. If she wanted me gone, I would be.

Though I'd still have to threaten threaten Jacob for her and keep an eye on him – just because she doesn't want me near her, doesn't mean I can't look out for her. Then I shuddered at the direction my life would take if Bella decided she didn't want to see me again, I decided to put the thought out my mind before looking at Bella as she conceded to my request.

"Now, what would you like to do today? Anything is fine as long as it's legal, not that I can picture you doing something _il_legal," I went for an up-beat tone to try and alleviate the tension a little.

Bella smirked, her good mood returning, "Damn, there goes my plans of smoking my secret stash of heroin."

I cracked a smile and said, "And where would this stash be? I hope I don't have to go searching my own bedroom for heroin."

Bella rolled her eyes, "So, if ditching school doesn't count as illegal, how about bowling? I haven't been bowling for ages and I used to love it!"

I agreed easily with her suggestion – I was about the time when school ended anyway – smiling at her enthusiasm but I was a little saddened when she said she _used_ to love bowling. I told Bella to go find her shoes while I booked an alley for us in Port Angeles, I grabbed the keys to my Volvo then went to stand waiting for Bella by the front door.

Bella came down the stairs a little too quickly and literally _fell _into my waiting arms. I chuckled at her blush, barely noticing how appetising it was and concentrating more on how lovely it made her look. I was both pleased and relieved that my monstrous instincts were becoming more subdues, especially around her. I briefly wondered and thought about the time I was exposed to her blood pooling around her... after shuddering and pretending it wasn't Bella, I thought maybe that had something to do with it.

As I gently set her back on her feet, I noticed her bones weren't protruding as much, I wondered what could've happened make her so thin, but decided instead to enjoy the spontaneous bowling trip. I led Bella out to the car and held the door while she got in, smiling at her energy and excitement.

To say Bella shocked me while bowling would be a huge understatement.

My vampire strength, speed and sight, helped me win the game... but that was expected. What _wasn't_ expected, was that Bella would casually accuse me of using my vampiric characteristics for cheating. Completely shocked the hell out of me. Of course she didn't know exactly why I was so strong and accurate, but I knew what she was getting at... and she seemed to accept it, _completely!_

Of course she didn't know the whole truth... which was probably why she still allowed me to be in the same room as her, no doubt finding out about my thirst for blood would send her running. She was far to trusting of me. And I was just taking advantage of that now wasn't I? What was the right thing to do? Should I protect her or be honest with her? Should I lie to her or put her in danger? ...Was honesty worth more than her life?

No.

I sat and watched as Bella ate pizza and drank coke before heading back home... yes, Bella could consider our home hers as well. I was glad I got to cheer Bella up today, the morning had had the potential to go horribly wrong. Instead, Bella took it in her stride, and seemed to be ok with everything... that she knew about. I still didn't know how she would react to the rest of my family now she was seeing them all with a glimpse of the truth... judging by her reaction this morning, maybe a slow, gradual introduction was for the best?

I pulled into the drive and sat for a moment, listening to my family's thoughts from inside the house. The Alice was distraught, her envisioned friendship with Bella had faded away and Jaz was left to try to calm her down, but even he was having a little difficulty. Emmett was put out that he had to keep his distance from Bella for the moment and Rosalie was both mentally and physically rolling her eyes at him. Esme and Carlisle were both patient and concerned, and the only ones downstairs. Bella hadn't yet Esme although, she'd met Carlisle and the two calmest vampires seemed like a good place to start.

Eventually, we got out the car and made our way back to the house, I felt Bella tense up. I tried to give her hand a comforting squeeze but my frigid temperature marred the effect. Bella turned to me and whispered, "Will everyone be there?"

I looked into her chocolate eyes and replied, "Carlisle and Esme are downstairs, everyone else is keeping out of the way upstairs until you're more comfortable, we wont force our company on you if it does make you uncomfortable," I smiled at her softly, not showing any of my teeth, now that Bella was more aware that we were _different_, the differences will be that much more obvious. No need to make her even more uncomfortable.

I heard Bella's heartbeat accelerate as we entered the house. Carlisle and Esme were sat on the sofa across the room, facing us. They rose slowly and cautiously approached Bella, al the time watching and listening for signs of distress. Hearing nothing alarming, Carlisle and Esme stood a careful distance away as they introduced themselves properly. They kept their movements as human as possible, they were aware that Bella knew we were different, but they didn't know whether Bella knew just _how_ different we were.

_Does Bella know the whole truth? Does she know we're vampires? _I heard Carlisle think, Esme looked at me in askance as well, her thoughts similar to Carlisle's. I subtly shook my head no. Carlisle was slightly relieved but Esme was still worried, she thought the Volturi were getting too aggressive and wouldn't let this go if they heard.

What if she did? There were only two possible outcomes of that, and the Volturi had been growing restless recently, in the last decade covens had been destroyed for the smallest infractions of the rule. We might even be taking a rather large risk just by telling Bella what we had already. One thing was sure, Bella's heart _would_ stop beating if the Volturi found her. But telling her the whole truth would surely seal her fate.

I watched fascinated and awed as Bella warily shook hands with Carlisle and Esme, then as her features softened to display minimal discomfort and nervousness... and Jaz wasn't even doing anything. I had heard him turn his attention to Bella's emotions as she entered the house in preparation for if she should need any help with avoiding an all out panic attack.

It was amazing. _Bella_ was amazing. After only five minutes her heart rate had started to return to normal and she was conversing with the rest of us normally. After ten minutes, she seemed completely at ease, as if we were four humans discussing bowling and how well Bella slept last night. It was surreal. _Where were her survival instincts?_ _How was she so calm? How could she not be nervous in the presence of four vampires? _

Would that mean our caution over her comfort levels was unnecessary? Did that mean that Emmett wouldn't have to wait so long to see Bella again? I was pulled from my thoughts by Carlisle, "Well, I must say Bella, you're reacting to our presence extremely well, are you comfortable?"

**Bella's pov**

"Yes, I thought it would make me afraid, knowing you were something different, and I was a little nervous and apprehensive, about meeting you again. But I just kinda... got comfortable, you're very welcoming," I tried to explain my lack of fear to Carlisle, the three curious gazes on me making me a little nervous – but in the way that any audience will make me nervous.

I couldn't believe I'd had another day off today, that made three Fridays in a row. If I didn't get my act together soon, I was sure the school would get involved. As would work, I'd already missed the last two Sundays. I sighed, I kinda needed the money, just two weeks pay being deducted would be really bad.

I suddenly yawned, the emotional strain of the day starting to catch up with me. Esme immediately noticed and fussed over how they were keeping me up and berating Edward for wearing me out and not taking good enough care of me. I found it amusing but only managed to produce a small, sleepy chuckle. That seemed to draw their attention and I felt Edward picking me up and taking me to his bedroom.

He handed my pyjamas to me and left me to get changed for bed. It took me forever to muster up the will to make the necessary movements required to get changed, but once I did I collapsed in relief on the bed, not bothering to scramble beneath the covers. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, drifting into dreams where the Cullens were giants looking after the land and ruling the people... It was weird, but hey, what dreams aren't?

* * *

**A/N - **yeah... _really_ sorry about the amount of time it took to get this story up. But, if you look on my profile you can see i was working on a lot of things at the same time... which made everything go quite slow.

Plus this chappy was quite hard to write, i don't blame a lot of you if you don't really like it, feel free to let me know how you thought this went.


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